tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-116864572024-03-05T07:22:49.216-05:00The PhlogWelcome to the blog of the Philolexian Society!schmonzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14038104516967313571noreply@blogger.comBlogger144125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-88890628570205600892017-05-01T14:41:00.002-04:002017-05-01T14:41:49.351-04:00Some Truths It is 2017 (at the time I wrote this, at least). No one uses Blogspot anymore. For the love of Kilmer please find us on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/philolexiansociety/">Instagram</a>, <a href="https://twitter.com/philo_society">Twitter</a>, or <a href="https://www.facebook.com/philolexiansociety/">Facebook</a>.<br />
<br />
Now be gone.<br />
<br />
Surgam,<br />
<br />
Ms. GatesAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13316191820313599545noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-33827306436591908192011-06-08T18:05:00.005-04:002011-06-08T18:14:09.673-04:00SURGAM Spring 2011: "Market Hunting"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">A delicious and reflective piece by new phull philo Aliza Goldberg. By mistake I referred to Ms. Goldberg all term pronouncing her first name as it she were the heroine from <i>My Fair Lady</i>, and was all a-fluster to learn that, in fact, she is Aliza to rhyme with "tweezer," not Aliza to rhyme with "wiser." </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Mea culpa</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">. If you're reading this, please take it as a public apology—for that and any other foolish gaffes on my part.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Market Hunting</span></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div><div><b></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b>Aliza Goldberg<br /></b></span></span><div> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> You plan to go to the market, not because you need to buy something, but because you need to be reminded why you are in Vietnam. Last night you went to an expat bar and spoke English while dancing to Lady Gaga. You spent the morning reading about economics in English and texting American friends. With half an hour until lunch, you have almost enough time to escape the bubble and walk.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">You close the tall iron gate of the pastel yellow French colonial house—a skinny, miniature version of the real thing—and walk past the badminton courts at the end of the residential block you always tell taxi drivers is yours, and where your Vietnamese family of two months lives. It is a lie, since your school pays these people every month and you have no biological relationship, but you can pretend. Today you don’t need a taxi because the market is in your neighborhood.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Hanoi is so oppressively humid that after a while your body does not register the heat; sweat glands work as they should, and no one judges the sweat stains on your elbow-length conservative shirt because everyone’s clothes are damp. Your sheets are damp when you wake up, your toothbrush is damp, the seat of your chair is damp, your damp notebooks are crinkled, your damp computer screen has spots of mold, your damp thighs slide together when you walk, and the steam rising from three hot meals does not fog your already fogged glasses.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> Trees line your street, which is rare for this city, but you are confused about where these trees are actually planted, since looking up, all you see is a tangled mass. Green leaves connect to branches and green leaves connect to bundles of suspended electrical wires. Your knowledge of technology is limited but you are fairly certain those clumps of wire should not touch the way they are touching, especially since they are all so damp the copper has probably turned green like the Statue of Liberty. Each wire has a person and story on the other end but no one cares enough to make it straight. Maybe it is hopeless, you think. You try not to be ethnocentric but it is difficult.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Your street goes in a loop, not a grid, and the market is four blocks away to the left, yet still bears the same street name. Hanoi’s haphazard plan does not bother you because at least it does not give you rashes or ruin your possessions or require three cold showers a day like the temperature. You walk with alacrity, your spongy black flip-flops pattering to the beat of your gait, to show the Vietnamese couples staring that you are not a tourist—you know where your market is and how to get there. Having passed it every morning on the way to school, you know what to expect, but today you decide to visit the stalls you ordinarily purposefully avoid, to get a zap of culture shock.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">As your neighbors stare, you smile demurely and pretend this is all natural. Really though, your heart is pounding because it always thu-thumps with every motorcycle screech. Crossing the street, you get so close to the speeding drivers that you can see the labels on their jean waistbands—another fake Dolce & Gabbana. One day your white skin will be so distracting, the driver will not swerve. It happened once already, the teenage male driver with black hair gelled in spikes staring at your blue eyes with startling intensity, face frozen, but you ran across the cracked asphalt when you noticed his hands neglecting to reach for the hand brake, and your damp thighs slid together while you sprinted as the safety of the next crowded street approached.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The vendors cover some of the sidewalk slabs with heaps of used clothing and handbags so that you must retreat to the stream of Honda Dreams and Vespas with their shrill beeps, a Morse code that lets other drivers know their presence on the asphalt. The system is not foolproof and you have seen the evidence—battered metal and dazed, bloody Vietnamese men discarded on the side of the road. You have never seen even an indication of an ambulance, but you have learned that sometimes it is better not to ask questions. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">It is better, also, not to ask how much something is. You enter the outdoor market through a narrow oval entrance in an alley wall lined with red bricks and are bombarded with the magenta, red, orange, lime green, deep green, and pale yellow colors of the fruit vendor stalls. Nothing has a set price because not even the price of dragonfruit is predictable. Instead you call out numbers, easy vocabulary, until an agreement is made. At first this was a fun game but because you are white, you are also wealthy. Since one American dollar equals twenty thousand Vietnamese dong, the game has turned guilty and panicked. The prickly scarlet balls of rambutan and the scaly pale green custard apples remain in their straw woven baskets and you continue onwards.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The phở smells like basil and the roasting chicken smells like a summer cookout. Oil crackles on portable gas stoves and Vietnamese families perch on small blue and red plastic stools, shoving noodles and meat into their mouths with chopsticks. The fragrances mix with smoke, making the moist air even thicker. You turn a corner and the lunch becomes raw. Gutted dogs lie on sticks ready for the rotisserie. Shelled sea urchins glisten in a heap. Bloody pig limbs rest in rows on a counter: slabs of meat, hoofs, and intestines. Silent, the butcher stares forlornly at the customers intently weaving through the vendor stalls.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">A porcelain bowl of fat, wiggling maggots is displayed on the curb and the vendor absentmindedly picks her nose. A cage of indignant roosters is tied to the back of an abandoned motorcycle. The birds screech at the discomfort, ignorant of the fact that soon they will be defeathered, butchered, and then plopped into boiling broth. This immediacy of your meals unsettles you, realizing that you prefer the anonymity of hamburger patties and chicken cutlets. Ducking under a blue tarp to evade the blinding sun, you discover another maze of stalls.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Withered frogs are displayed like sheets on a clothespin line; noodles lie in a dusty corner on the floor, twisted in bundles like hay. Some vendors smile at you as you wander, but most stare blankly. Customers push past one another, competing for the competing vendors. Around another corner are plastic stickers and toys of animals, blonde dolls, and Ho Chi Minh. Further down the street are boxes of fake paper money and buckets bursting with bright flowers you can’t name. Each area of the market has a special purpose, from offering a meal to providing funeral décor. The market is the order in your chaotic Vietnamese life. This ancient system seems to work for the citizens, though you are stumped to figure out the economics, since compartmentalizing the market heightens competition while demand remains constant. But you are not part of the system and regardless of what you say, you are not a citizen here and will never be.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Passing each middle-aged woman selling identical flowers side by side, you notice lacquered bowls and vases across the street. You consider buying a lacquered item because of your newfound obsession with the haunting depth of the shiny, metallic technique but decide to wait until you are about to leave the country to stock up on appreciations. The Vietnam National Fine Arts Museum dedicates an exhibit to lacquer art; when you wander down the hall for the first of many visits, the dark red and inky black tones make you quiver in the air-conditioned French villa, incredulous at the meticulous detail and the complex process necessary for lacquer technique. A cobalt vase gilded in gold perched on the market sidewalk curb glints in the sunlight and you look down at your toenails, newly painted with bright red glitter. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The market vendors are much less aggressive than the teenage vendors that wander the city streets with boxes awkwardly dangling from their shoulders, selling scarves, postcards, and cigarette lighters. Market vendors shout at customers, customers shout at vendors, vendors shout at vendors, and customers shout at customers. No one shouts at you because you would not understand and do not belong in this market with the buzzing flies and whimpering dogs, scraping spoons and screaming children. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">You are a woman, so you are at the market. Yet everyone sees through the lies. You weave through crowds and haggle persistently but you will never be a woman casually walking through the market. You will always be the girl whose knee length skirt is just a little too short, who slips in the trash that litters the curb, who takes pictures of anonymous houses because of a fascination with the foreign architecture, and who confuses the words “beef” and “father.” One morning last month you tried to ask your host mother if it would rain that day, she nodded, and you brought an umbrella to school; later that day, she was surprised to see you home because you had told her you were going shopping. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Passing a humming refrigerator stocked with local beer, you want to buy a sweating can but are unable to because your male friends are not here to buy alcohol and energy drinks and anything considered unfeminine for you. Your host sister calls them your bodyguards and coyly smiles when you assure her that you are not dating any of them. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">You came to the market to be reminded of why you are here. You turn to retrace your steps because instead of finding the answer to your question, you encountered other people asking precisely the same thing. You walk at your brisk New York City pace now, not pausing to look at the pearl necklaces or t-shirts, yellow chicks or slowly scrambling turtles, gummy candies in the shape of Hoan Kiem temple or rainbow lollipops. You need to be home in time for lunch. You hope for tofu or summer rolls but it will probably be something involving grease in the hopes of fattening you up to make your American parents happy. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">A group of middle aged, pajama-clad women perform vigorous arm thrashes, hops, and lunges in the badminton court at the end of your street. You have often seen Vietnamese adults engaging in this activity, and have never figured out what it is. The exercises remind you of tai chi on acid, or watered down aerobics. The Vietnamese value exercise but your host sisters hate moving, especially when it is hot. You were not aware that people could dislike walking. Because of their sloth, you feel like it is possible you are related to this Vietnamese family.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Except that you cannot be part of the family if you don’t have a key to the house. You ring the doorbell and scratch at a mosquito bite as you wait for your host mother to emerge from the kitchen. You beam and wave excitedly. Your host mother does not return the sentiment. She opens the door and asks you, “Cháu có vui vẻ ở chợ được không? (</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Did you have fun at the market?</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">)” <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:6.0pt;text-indent:36.0pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">You pause, making sure your interpretation is correct before you respond, nodding, “Được (</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Yes)</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">”. You are glad you are home, though, and just in time for sweet green banana and snail soup, steamed white rice, garlic beef stir fry and spring rolls. It could be worse, you think, and help set the table.</span></p><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-67782935887999144172011-05-30T15:53:00.006-04:002011-06-01T23:33:45.757-04:00SURGAM Spring 2011: "Disquietude"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The sun is finally out and proud in Toronto, which has seen nothing but sopping wet and cold for what seems like years and years. I'm out in my side-yard, translating the first book of the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Republic</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> and watching the ivy bloom—yes, Philos, that self-same ivy made famous in my lascivious LitEx delivered in April of this past semester. There's also a hot latte involved. Basically, heaven.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Speaking of heaven, here's more of the Spring 2011 issue of </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Surgam</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">! </span></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">When Olivia Jackson CC'12's submission turned up in the submit2surgam inbox, I was simply chuffed that she'd have thought to publish such a splendid work with us.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span><!--StartFragment--><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><u><br /></u></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Disquietude</span></u></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><i>by </i>Olivia Jackson</span></u></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">i.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">each morning you anoint my head with kisses, yet<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">i am convinced that as you watch me,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">with a careful eye,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">as i slide beneath myself<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">you will grow weary, and prematurely old<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">and your careful eyes will wander<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">looking for new bodies <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">to slide beneath.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">ii.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">i'm nomadic by nature.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">inexplicable to all, and especially to me,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">i know only that something in me moves me<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">to feel the need to move. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">so it should not surprise you that i cannot stay.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">iii.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">i am in love with you. holding<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">your hand in a </span><span style="color:#1A1A1A;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">garden</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">trembling terrified i am<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">naked in your presence<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">and i am ashamed.</span></span><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:13.0pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">—</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>Surgam</i> is sponsored in part through the generosity and vision of the fine folks at the Columbia Arts Initiative. This funding is made possible through a generous gift from the Gatsby Charitable Foundation.</span></p> <!--EndFragment--> </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-74067200315336991262011-05-28T14:17:00.007-04:002011-05-28T14:32:11.079-04:00SURGAM Spring 2011: "The new guitar"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oops—took a bit of a sabbatical there. My </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">bel ami</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> was in town (la!), so I suppose I was never really far from Phlogging, but maybe not in that way.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">"But what's left from the semester?" you might wonder. Actually, nearly all of </span></span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Surgam</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And so for the next few days I'll be regaling you with pieces and art from the Spring 2011 issue, just in case you missed picking up your very own beautiful copy. If you'd like one, however, never fear—we've more in the Halls, probably buried under Korean drums at this point but certainly accessible come September. Without further adieu, Jessica L. Johnson's brief and lovely piece "The new guitar."</span></span></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></span></i></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">—</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The new guitar <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Jessica L. Johnson </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">CC'11</span></i></span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 115%; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The neck knows my palm. To tune is to find the right vibrations between my thumb, thumb and forefinger, ear. The guitar string is a tightrope my fingers run across. I hang on its body. We’re hollow in the same places at times, though my insides aren’t so well carved out. I, too, am suspiciously held together by small metal screws; want only to be held at my side, wound and strummed, to sound. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <!--EndFragment--> </div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-27280592185031738252011-05-18T22:50:00.008-04:002011-05-18T23:03:15.534-04:00Kilmer B-sides: Buying a one-way ticket to the Mountain of Purgatory<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Pride has always been my favourite sin. That would have been much to the chagrin of the Knox Presbyterian minister who was my grandfather, but then again presumably so would have been my having had a favourite sin at all. In any case, I'm not even going to apologize for having published my own poem in the Kilmer </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Surgam</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">, much less putting it online now. It was damn funny and you laughed your heads off at it. Plus Marcus Folch, one of our judges at this past contest, introduced me in December to a Classics graduate student by pointing out that damn could I ever write a bad poem. And so I can.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“Philosophy Contemp’rary”<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>Or,</i> “The Catalogue of Shits”<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">for Roland Theodore Smith III—<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">by </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Gavin McGown</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">, CC’13<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I’m the luckiest lad on the planet, you know,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Since I’m leaving the bar with a new boy in tow.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He’s a philosophy major! I managed to peek—<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And some parts are the length of the First Critique.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And I think—as this twink starts to take me about—<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Aristotle and I have to fight this fight out<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">For he says there’s </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">one</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> ultimate goal that you find<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But tonight there are </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">two</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> ends that </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">have in mind.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">[But, you see, there’s a problem: I aspire t’write poetry<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And not to divine a concept’s circuitry.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But surely by now has not philosophy<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Given up its polemics ‘gainst poets? We’ll see.]<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">When we get to my place and walk in the Adoorno<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We talk: a pure mix of </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">New Yorker</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> and porno.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“But sovereignty—deconstruction—Obama”—<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Yeah, just like that, baby. Talk dirty to Mama.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But really quite fast something starts to go wrong<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And the Muse begins singing quite different a song<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">It was fine in the bar—and when we were walking—<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But I want to fuck, and this boy </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">won’t stop talking</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:0cm;margin-bottom:0cm; margin-left:42.55pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:0cm;margin-bottom:0cm; margin-left:42.55pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:0cm;margin-bottom:0cm; margin-left:42.55pt;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A gross fear of mine—on the damnedest occasion,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Have I seduced one of a postmodern persuasion?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Does he think that ‘desire’s a function of Law?’<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But, surely, e’en then, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">sex</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> just isn’t </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">bourgeois</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But he keeps muttering to me about Sartre and Lacan<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">While I’m trying to head for the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">enjambment</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Yes, his speech is so fine, but his lips are so chewy—<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And it’s just on </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">my</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> John I’d like him to get Dewey.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And then—worst of all—he manages to thwart<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">My analytics of a </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">posterior</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> sort:<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“It’s not about you—your ass drives me mental;<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">It’s just that my interests tend more cunt-inental.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“If I did it for you, then I’d do it for all!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I bit on the pillow and choked on my gall. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> You’d have thought that the gin would have managed to kill<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Inhibitions—but, nude, he’s a Kantian still!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“Bullshit!” I swear. While I hope I’m not nosy,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The delay’s just philosophers’ bias ‘gainst poesy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And like Platonists when, </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">contra</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> poets, they battle,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The twink won’t give in, so now </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">start to prattle:<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“I can see that of bawdy relations you’re skeptical<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Preferring to chat in ways pure dialectical.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And I do eschew the Symbolic; poetical<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Works are my job. Now, let’s get exegetical.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“I promise you now I’m no bullish Aiacides<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Nor Athens’ demise, that slut Alcibiades.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Plato says, twixt our fields, there must be a dyad; he’s<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Wrong; if you like, we can make a hendiadys!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"And if you’re inventive and feel like chiasmus<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">As did, I am told, both Baudelaire and Erasmus<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Let me use my skills, find some friends who will lay<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Beside us, A-B-B-C-D-C-B-B-A!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">“Metonymically speaking, I beg you allow me<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">To of you ask your hand (no, wait, shit, that’s synecdoche)—<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Your bed then—or, come now, you big Morgenbesser,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If the bed’s too passé, there’s always the dresser!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"But do you deliberate still on the praxis?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Oh, babe, let me show you a </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">fine</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> ataraxis<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And lay us both down in our joy’s parataxis<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">With one on his knees and then one on his backses!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; ">"I’ll be servant, your queen, and your beast—metaphorically—</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If you’ll only start binding me up—categorically!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Let’s change places: I’ll be </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Logico-Philosophicus</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">While you get philological down my esophagus—<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"Or where’er. This proof of compatibilism<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Is that, betwixt us, true, there need be no schism<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">While I scream aloud hordes of neologisms<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And call out the flood of your sweet syllogisms<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"Right to their conclusion—oh, what blissful poiesis<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">When you’ve made me your goal of considered </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">prohairesis</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And acted to me on the good of my guise<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">(Babe, ain’t nothing look bad when it’s between those thighs).<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"And when we’ve gone at it, and you’ve got your rooster on<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Turn around, and then we’ll be </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">proteron hysteron</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But for my submission I insist that you bend<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Just a bit, and, like Solon, I’ll 'look to the end.'<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"So help me end the war: you, my </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">erastês</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Eromenos</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">, me, for the rest of our days,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Unite Philo and Poesy who’ve been locked in a fray<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">For so many millenia—so, what do you say?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The circumlocuter stared at me dumbfounded<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">As if he were a mortar I’d just pestle-pounded;<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Then went back to the door and turned the (John) Locke<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And turned back to me, and got out his—<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">And how’d it turn out?</span><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Well, I wake up in the morning feeling like Socratidion<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Here actually should have listened to his … epipsychidion</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">; </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Next time I’ll find a </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">good</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> philosopher to waste my pity on;<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-top:0cm;margin-right:-42.55pt;margin-bottom: 0cm;margin-left:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Bright side: unlike</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> Symposium</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">, least I was no small kiddy-on</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> <div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-70428240359604412852011-05-18T22:25:00.006-04:002011-05-18T22:33:05.204-04:00Kilmer B-sides: relive Valentine's Day!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I for one found this poem, whose author shan't be named given the field he's planning to go into and some illusion of demureness he's hoping to maintain there, particularly fitting: for whom does bad poetry not immediately conjure up thoughts of Valentine's Day? Alas, we shan't be able to recreate the very fine slideshow with which he enhanced our viewing pleasure—more's the pity. Without further adieu:</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">11 Valentine's Day Cards:</span></b><b><span style=" ;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">Or, </span></span></i></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">“Romantic Messages for that 'Special' Someone”<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">Or</span></span></i></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">, “Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like a Restraining Order”</span><o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span style=" ;font-size:10pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><i>by </i>F. J.</span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Prologue: Surprises<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Surprise surprise!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">It's Valentine's Day!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">/<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Good thing you've got<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">your pepper spray.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">1: Alive<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Bill Cosby is black,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">and this taxi is yellow<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">/<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">You make me quiver<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">like horse-ghosts in Jell-O.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">2: The Atomic Woman<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Brave men raised the flag<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">over old Iwo Jima.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">/<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Girl, you da bomb,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">that flattened Hiroshima.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">3: Early Grey, Stalker.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Badminton's weird,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">but tea is delicious.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">/<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I see you in the bushes,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">doing something suspicious.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">4: Sapiosexual.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Bullets are lead,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">and that glow is uranium.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">/<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Your brain is so fine<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I want my dick in your cranium.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">5: Cards for all occasions, eschatons included.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">How fragile are we<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">in this sprawling metropolis.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">/<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I'll have your back<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">in the zombie apocalypse.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">6: Hedonism<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The train, it has left,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">and the pie, it is baked.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">/<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I know this doesn't rhyme,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">but let's all get naked.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">7: Paging Doctor Blood Fetish<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Septicemia's tragic,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">and Swine Flu's upsetting.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">/<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Won't you come back to my place<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">for some old-time bloodletting?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">8: Cleanse Your Soul.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Blasphemy is a sin,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">and Babel was a tower.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">/<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I want to know you,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">biblically, in the shower.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">9: The Importance of Language<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I wasn't mugged or hit by a car,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">despite what you probably heard.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">/<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">It's just that I forgot<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">the safeword.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">10: The Classic.<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Roses are red,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Violets are blue,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">/<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Close your eyes and bend over,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Let's try something new!</span><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-12333380001316830272011-05-18T22:07:00.007-04:002011-05-18T22:16:48.094-04:00Kilmer 2010 B-sides: "The Hungry Sonnet"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">More Kilmer B-sides! Moderator emeritus Christopher Travis delivered the following, if you recall, while we were waiting for some fellows to repair the sound. Side-note: I've been in the Held Auditorium for maybe seven different events over the past two years, and every single time the sound's been shot to bits. The last time was at this past Woodbridge Lecture series with Onora O'Neill—Kantian, Cantabrigian, and British Parliamentarian—who somehow despite the microphone's having broken could not bring herself to speak above a whisper. Praise be to her Queen's English accent and consequent impeccable diction.</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Chris Travis's God also has impeccable diction, although perhaps not in that way. Still, somehow I think Donne would have been proud.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The Hungry Sonnet;<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"font-family:";"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">Or,</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"> “If John Donne’s Problem was Gluttony, not Lechery”;<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"font-family:";"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">Or,</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"> “The Safe Word is ‘Moist’”</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"font-family:";"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Chris Travis</span></b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"font-family:";"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"><br /></span></b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"font-family:";"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Batter my heart, three-person’d God;<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And set the burner to medium, medium-high,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"font-family:";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">For you as yet but boil, bake, and saut</span><span style="color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">é; not fry!<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">That I may be eaten, tenderize me, God,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">With your mallet—of love.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">(Before you batter me, of course: I’d hate for you to make a mess all over your divine kitchen, O Lord, O big, strong, manly Lord with rippling…anyway…) <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">O, plunge me deep into your good stuff, your boiling oil—of love;<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But once you have cooked me all the way,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Leave me not to burn and die—<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Into new skillet, complete with top,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">O heavenly chef, there let me plop;<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And smother in God’s other good stuff, God’s gravy generously applied.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Yet, even still, I’m not fit food for thee.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"; font-family:";color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Please don’t taste, unless you garn<a name="_GoBack"></a>ish me!</span></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-18389744068134108702011-05-18T21:54:00.009-04:002011-05-18T22:05:16.200-04:00Kilmer 2010 B-sides: "Tick, Tick"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Hey-o, Philos. So I went a little crazy with the Kilmer </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Surgam </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">and included several fabulous pieces in addition to those picked by our judges. I'm sure you recall how the ever brilliant Michal Richardson delivered the following, and while we can't recreate her singing—which doubtless would have put to shame even the shameless Ke$ha—we can let you take another gander at the bad poetry.</span><div><br /></div><div><!--StartFragment--> <div class="Section1"> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: left;"><b><span style=" ;font-family:Georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Tick, Tick<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: left;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Michal Richardson</span></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align: left;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Wake up in the morning feelin’ rather shitty.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"></span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">(Hey, what up, girl?)</span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"></span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Got a rash shaped like a bull’s-eye; baby, it ain’t pretty</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Before I leave, check my knees, and my elbows in back<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">‘Cause when these bastards get you, your system goes slack.</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I’m talkin’ ‘bout sudden shooting pains, pains<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Slowin’ down of yo’ brains, brains<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Joints hurt when it rains, rains</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Gettin’ weak around the knees, knees</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Fallin’ down at the parties<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Startin’ to get a little bit woo…zy…</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Eyes pop, make it stop<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Now my body’s heatin’ up<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">What a sight, what a plight<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">When I see the tick bite<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Tick glommed to my arm,<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And I’m callin’ up my mom.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, whoa-whoa, oh.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, whoa-whoa, oh.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Make it stop, get it off<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Can we blow the bastard up?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">It’s on tight; better fight<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">So I don’t get encephalitis<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Tick, tick, unstick!<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Somebody fetch my tweezers, quick!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, whoa-whoa, oh.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, whoa-whoa, oh.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Now, the party in my head has gone supersonic<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">But if I go in for my treatment, symptoms won’t be chronic.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Pain in my nerves and my joints is simultaneous<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And on my body’s surface, for a disease that’s cutaneous.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I’m talkin’ ‘bout neurons that don’t fire, fire<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Memories I don’t acquire, quire<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Situation’s gettin’ dire, dire<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I’m talkin’ ‘bout cognitive impairment<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">But I’ll dance until I hit the pavement<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Go until I hit the pavement…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">…pavement…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Head pops; make it stop<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Gonna party ‘till I drop<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Tonight, I’mma fight<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">This disease that’s called Lyme<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Tick, tick, I won’t be licked<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">It was just a little nick!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, whoa-whoa, oh.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, whoa-whoa, oh.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Head pops; make it stop<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Gonna party ‘till I drop<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Tonight, I’mma fight<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">This disease that’s called Lyme<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Tick, tick, I won’t be licked<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">By a buggin’ little prick; no!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, whoa-whoa, oh.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, whoa-whoa, oh.</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></o:p></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Got my hands up<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">My brain breaks down<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">My heart, it sounds<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Like a dance beat<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I’m all washed up<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Body’s besieged<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">By this fatigue<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Yeah, you got me.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">[YAWN.]</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Got my hands up<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Put your hands up<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Put your hands up…<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Do you think it might be lupus?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></i></p></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><div class="Section2"> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Head pops; make it stop<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Gonna party ‘till I drop<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Tonight, I’mma fight<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">This disease that’s called Lyme<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Tick, tick, I won’t be licked<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">It was just a little nick.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, whoa-whoa, oh.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, whoa-whoa, oh.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Head pops; make it stop<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Gonna party ‘till I drop<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Tonight, I’mma fight<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">This disease that’s called Lyme<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Tick, tick, I won’t be licked<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">By a buggin’ little prick, no!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, whoa-whoa, oh.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, whoa-whoa, oh.</span></span></p></div> <!--EndFragment--> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-34352602839197846532011-05-17T21:24:00.006-04:002011-05-17T21:36:24.060-04:00Happy birthday, Philolexia...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Gee, Philo. You're 209! That's an awful lot of candles to burn out. Or to light—with the rays of your rising sun—something like that. You've certainly let the years do what they may, but you're still here—and looking very fine for your age, if you don't mind my noting. </span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Oh, you do. Fine, then. I'll keep my thoughts to myself.<br /></span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Well, find yourself a party or something, and celebrate in the style that only you know how:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><iframe width="425" height="349" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/qMMNLiSZfu4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Hold fast, Philo. Hold fast.</span></span></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-30024807686593493182011-05-16T11:16:00.003-04:002011-05-16T11:24:51.882-04:00David Sedaris comes to the Satow room<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Metaphorically, that is. Frank Redner presented the following sometime in March or early April. None of us was sure whether to laugh or cry, although a combination of the two was probably fitting. Directly the meeting ended I approached him and demanded he send it to me so I could publish it in the spring issue of </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Surgam</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">, where indeed we have the story prominently featured (p.22). Without further adieu...</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> <!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><b>Smashed<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><b>Franklin Hepi Redner</b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> The problem with the world is that people do not think things through. More often than not, they fail to assess even the most important dilemmas, such as “Should I turn now?”, “We don’t have any condoms; should we use a candy wrapper?”, or “Shall I dump the body here?” A wise person would consider these important decisions further, but people are hasty and stupid—qualities that, in these instances, would result respectively in a messy highway, a not-so-mysterious pregnancy, and the most awkward lap dance in the world.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> But try as we may to steer our lives, sometimes we just mess up, and sometimes we crash. My brother made that abundantly clear last summer on Father’s Day. In the living room with screwdrivers and wrenches scattered about, my mom and I were assembling a wheelbarrow purchased at Wal-Mart earlier that day. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">“Fucking shit,” my mother muttered as we were standing up, realizing that she and I had attached the barrow part on backwards. “Balls,” I replied. The result was actually sort of funny: at the slightest nudge, our mishap would have vomited its contents onto the ground, rendering the damn thing useless. As we gamely prepared to reassemble the wheelbarrow, the phone rang. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">An unfamiliar, timid voice was on the line. “Hello,” she started. “Is this Kaske’s house?” Hearing that she mispronounced my brother’s name, I guessed she was no relation of ours. “Yes….?” I stalled, waiting for her to go on and for my mother to stop cursing our little project. “Well, I’m just calling to tell you guys that Kaske’s in jail,” she said offhandedly. I looked over at mom, who was excitedly grimacing at the scattered pieces of the wheelbarrow. “Is that Caske?”<a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=11686457&postID=3002480768659349318#_ftn1" name="_ftnref" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;text-indent:36.0pt">…<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">After hanging up the phone, she sat down with me again, resigned but not surprised. We put the wheelbarrow back together, this time with less profanity. It was pathetically modest and had a slight wobble, but it was nothing that my Dad would complain about—or really notice, given the news that would accompany it. Mom wheeled it through the dining room and into the office. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">She told my dad. Just as I predicted, he put on his flak jacket from his Vietnam tour, came into the living room and barked, “Get your boots on: we’re going up there.” He acted as if a battle had broken out up north and only we could rescue my brother, awash in the sea of chaos and looting. Though not easily provoked emotionally, my dad frequently dusted off his Vietnam gear. Whatever the occasion—a tornado warning, a funeral (he brought his helmet to both of his parents’ funerals), or just shovelling snow in November—he was always eager to break out his musty fatigues. But I guess I can’t blame him for being so excitable: there are bullet holes in his vest. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">But standing in the living room, with his 80’s sunglasses and his ragged daisy-dukes topped off with his bulletproof jacket, I knew he wasn’t serious. Caske lived four hours up north and Dad wasn’t properly suited up. No, we stayed there for the remainder of Father’s Day, eating dinner with few words. The wheelbarrow in the office adjacent, with a red bow haphazardly duck taped to the handle, waiting to be brought back into the dining room, went neglected that evening. The surprise was ruined and unwanted; my dad had already got enough of one in any case.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center;text-indent:36.0pt">…<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">My brother was arrested that weekend for a DUI that happened in the early hours before Father’s Day. He was driving on the bridge from the nearby town of Superior, Wisconsin (the liquor stores close earlier in Duluth). Realizing that he was about to get off on the wrong exit—one that might have added a whole ten minutes to his drunken commute home—he swerved back to his left and hit the dividing rail head-on. The Police found his car about fifteen minutes later, totalled, smashed in. They were surprised to find a perky, if woozy and trashed, twenty-something in the front seat where they had expected a bloodied body. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">The next day my parents drove up and left me and my sister at home. As my mom handed me the keys she said (almost) jokingly, “If that weirdo from next door comes knocking, just give him a quick jab in the eyes with these and lock the door.” She smiled and added, “Just make sure you don’t stab Johnny, he stops by occasionally. I wonder if you guys would even recognize each other now.” Two summers ago, Johnny was charged with possession and intent to sell marijuana grown in his mother’s greenhouse; needless to say, his mother didn’t react very well. She was the kind of woman, after all, who more than once recommended prayer over Novocain during root canals. My mom said that our neighbor couldn’t bear to look at her son when they were removing the plants from her greenhouse. I wondered if my mom felt the same way about my brother, or if all mothers felt that way about their sons eventually. They do have a strong relationship now, but I like to think that she and my brother got off on the wrong foot. While she was giving birth, my brother decided it would be hilarious if he went the opposite direction. Instead of leaping forward into the light, he moved backwards up into her ribcage, almost killing them both. That story always cracks me up. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">After the levity passed, I took the keys and they were off.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">I got a call later that night. It was my brother, and he sounded hung-over—still—despite the fact that it was 10:00 p.m. He said hello, and I responded as quietly as possible, making sure not to cause him any more pain: though I was tempted to, my sister was asleep on the recliner. I clamped onto the phone. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">He said he was back in his apartment now, and that our mom was feeling marginally better. My parents had arrived at the dingy police station in about five hours. They had rushed over to the holding cell, where my brother was still practically passed out.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">“It was so awkward,” he said. “Almost as awkward as last night when the cops strip searched me. If that would’ve happened at my apartment instead of at a police station, I’d be great now. Good thing I was so smashed, or else it would’ve been actually embarrassing.” He chuckled into the phone, and I responded in kind, although we weren’t laughing for the same reason.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">“Well, all you have to do is total another car and you can get that cop’s number.” My sister stirred. <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">A few days later my parents returned with my brother in tow. I was hoping that they would’ve put him in the backseat, demean him a bit—but of course he got out of the front passenger seat. After an uneventful and oddly still take-out dinner, my mom and I sat in the living room, looking at the TV but not really watching it. “Well,” she sighed, “he’s learned fucking his lesson, that’s for sure.” <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt">After she went to bed, my brother came down with some slasher-movies. We were mostly silent as we watched some desperate teen try to hide the bloody corpse he had on his hands, having “accidentally” stabbed his father to death with a screwdriver. On a normal evening we would’ve been making fun of the fake looking blood, but we were mostly quiet. Then we talked for a while about nothing in particular. After a long silence, he asked, “Is there anything to drink around here?”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;text-indent:36.0pt"><o:p> </o:p></p> <div style="mso-element:footnote-list"><br /> <hr align="left" size="1" width="33%"> <div style="mso-element:footnote" id="ftn"> <p class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=11686457&postID=3002480768659349318#_ftnref" name="_ftn1" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference">[1]</span></a><b> </b>Pronounced, “CHASS-kay.” – <i>Ed.</i><span style="font-family:Georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoFootnoteText"><i><br /></i></p><p class="MsoFootnoteText"><i>--</i></p><p class="MsoFootnoteText"><i>Surgam </i>is funded in part by the Arts Initiative of Columbia University. This funding is made possible through a generous gift from the Gatsby Charitable Foundation.</p> </div> </div> <!--EndFragment--> </span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-1112128116476650402011-05-15T15:17:00.005-04:002011-05-16T11:16:33.129-04:00Tiger Handheld: actually entertaining—in the nineties?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Then again, maybe not. Here follows Andy Wallace's LitEx of sometime earlier in the semester. I assume that the Scriba's notebook is locked up at this point, so you're all going to have to be content with my assurance that Mr. Wallace delivered this deadpan gem sometime around early February. Stay tuned for more tonight and over the coming days!</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span><!--StartFragment--><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;tab-stops:28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><b><span style="font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Helvetica;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Tiger Handheld’s NBA Jam: A Critical Review<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-indent: 21.3pt;mso-pagination:none;tab-stops:28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style=" font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Helvetica;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">NBA Jam is one of the classic Tiger Handheld games that populated my youth. I say classic not because I specifically remember this one: I don't. I say classic because I have played it before, as has anybody who has ever played any Tiger Handheld. Each of these bizarre little boxes promised a world of fun and offered only confusion. Each lured you in with images of a movie you liked, or worse, a legitimately good game, as was the case with NBA Jam.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-indent: 21.3pt;mso-pagination:none;tab-stops:28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style=" font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Helvetica;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Midway’s actual classic arcade game managed to appeal to everybody. Jocks could finally find themselves playing an arcade game, since by 1993 graphics were good enough to display actual players, and it could feel vaguely like watching a real sports event, except that this one was infinitely better because sometimes you would catch on fire and make the backboard explode. And nerds found themselves with an extremely playable sports game that also let them catch on fire and make things explode.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-indent: 21.3pt;mso-pagination:none;tab-stops:28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style=" font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Helvetica;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Given the game's success, it’s no surprise that it was one of the many games sent through Tiger’s torture maze only to emerge from the other side a shattered, LED-lit version of its former self.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-indent: 21.3pt;mso-pagination:none;tab-stops:28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style=" font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Helvetica;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">When I turned the game on, I was invited to select my team. I have no idea what effect this has on the game, although I would wager a strong guess that the answer is “nothing.” This process itself seemed like an afterthought, evidenced by the fact that the only way of identifying which team I picked was a sticker slapped haphazardly on the back on the device listing the teams. For all intents and purposes, though, you play as team Left facing off against their rivals, team Right.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-indent: 21.3pt;mso-pagination:none;tab-stops:28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style=" font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Helvetica;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Up until this point, the game was about cycling through numbers. This is the last point at which anything made sense. I didn’t know it, but I was about to get into the jam. The game started with 4 men lit up against the back of the screen. They all began moving and after a little while I was able to determine that team Right had the ball. I knew I needed to thwart them, but I first needed to determine where or who my character was. Given that there were only two people on my team this seemed like an easy task; I cannot stress just how wrong this assumption was. After pressing up and down for at least ten seconds I finally determined which of my two men was under my control. The problem, though, was that they were identical, and occasionally shared one of the very few spots on the board, requiring another round of mashing the up and down keys to determine which one is flailing in sync with my button presses as opposed to the automated seizure-mind that seems to control the remaining three players.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-indent: 21.3pt;mso-pagination:none;tab-stops:28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style=" font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Helvetica;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">This movement style should be familiar with anybody who has ever attempted to squeeze entertainment from a Tiger Handheld device. The graphics are comprised of pre- set LEDs, so there is a very limited amount of states that any character can appear in. In this game, my available spaces seem to be left-up, left-middle, left-down, and right-middle. I have no idea why I couldn't run toward my opponent's net on the top or bottom of the screen, but as far as I could tell, it was impossible. Running toward either net presented it's own special brand of confusion. The back of the screen is overlaid with an image of center court, except I wasn't always at center court. Sometimes I was very far from it, but this would only become apparent when either my or my opponent’s net would appear on the side of the screen. The first time this happened, I was still in the throws of determining who I was. This existential dilemma was interrupted by my net suddenly jutting into view. I knew I had to do something, so I took a quick look at the buttons available to me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-indent: 21.3pt;mso-pagination:none;tab-stops:28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style=" font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Helvetica;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">My options were "SHOOT/BLOCK," "PASS/STEAL," "TURBO," and "REBOUND." I first tried moving myself in front of the opponent and pressing BLOCK. This made my player raise his hands. I liked this because it seemed like a reasonable reaction, unlike the spasms I had grown used to. However, disappointment soon set in when I realized that I had not once seen my opponent pass. (At least, I don't think I had. I realized later that passing acts something like a teleporter, instantly making the ball appear somewhere else. This would be more obvious if there were more than maybe 10 positions that ball could be in on the screen, most of which are fairly close and could viably be arrived at with a dribble).<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-indent: 21.3pt;mso-pagination:none;tab-stops:28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style=" font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Helvetica;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Getting tired of raising my arms like a yeti at my opponent I started pressing STEAL. I did this over and over as I tried to move around and stay with him. I suppose it worked because after a while I realized that I had the ball. I did not pick up on this immediately because the ball hadn't actually moved much. It had stayed in almost exactly the same space between me and my opponent, only now my hand was raised slightly instead of his. At any rate, I started running and eventually made it to their net, where I pressed the SHOOT button. I watched with anticipation as the ball went directly into the basket. This is where I encountered perhaps the largest break with reality. I am not a sports fan, and I will admit that I probably did not understand exactly how to control this game, but when the ball goes in my opponent's net, I should get a point. I am confident about this. However, the little number at the bottom of the screen remained at zero. Maybe it's not the score. Who knows?<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-indent: 21.3pt;mso-pagination:none;tab-stops:28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style=" font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Helvetica;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I managed to sink two more shots, and while I may have been pleased with myself, the game was not and refused to budge from zero before barraging me with some bleeps and bloops before turning itself off when the timer ran out, presumably deciding that I had not earned the right to face the next team.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;text-indent: 21.3pt;mso-pagination:none;tab-stops:28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span style=" font-family:Georgia;mso-bidi-font-family:Helvetica;color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">When I started, the game ominously declared my rank to be 27, which I assume is pretty bad. But I cannot imagine mustering up the courage and resolve to play this game 27 times in order to reach first place. I will stay content with my rank of 27. I can't be the best at everything I try, and this is a battle I am happy to forfeit. I have no doubt that there are kids who have attained that first place rank—kids who could tell me how passing works or what REBOUND, a button I was never able to use, actually does—but it will never be me. And I'm strangely content with that.</span></span></p> <!--EndFragment--> </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-75666383069260615292011-05-14T17:02:00.006-04:002011-05-14T17:29:27.942-04:00AND we're back.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Dearest, darlingest Phileaux and phriends,</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Christ, it's been too long. And our poor Phlog is hanged!—or at least terribly neglected. But that'll change now, especially since yours truly has sweet bugger all to amuse hirself between now and when work starts in June. So I'm going to be uploading a semester's worth of Philo Phun: LitExes! More Kilmer poems! Spring Surgam! What joy.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">But first, some business. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">A hearty congratulations to outgoing board members—Chancellor William Ford CC'13, Barnard [Dangerous] Liaison Bianca Isaias BC'11, Censor Christopher Travis CC'11, and especially Moderator Kazim Panjwani—on completing their terms, as Cato Uticensis might say, <i>cum maxima innocentia</i>. You steered well the ship of Philo state.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Further congratulations to graduating seniors—as I have them in the address book—on your impending geezerhood. Keep those dentures handy for debates.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Messrs N. Baron, A. Blumenthal, J. Ennever, M. Kelly, B. Kiernan, M.K. Panjwani, A. Rigosi, H. Schley, R. T. Smith, Z. Sheppard, C. Travis, and D. Walden, and Mmes C. Casiello, S. Itzkoff, E. Rotman, M. Shannon, S. L. Hofstein, B. Isaias, G. Laidlaw, A. Mottola, J. Poindexter, and A. Warner.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And, last, a warm welcome to the Fall 2011 board!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Moderator - Mr.[/Lady] Gavin Mc[Evenin]Gown</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Censor - Mr. Benjamin Bardin</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Scriba - Mr. Jason Kruta</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Chancellor of the Exchequer - Ms. Rebecca Miller</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Literary Czar - Ms. M.C. Allen</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Minister of Propaganda - Ms. Maya Meredith</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Impresario - Ms. Audrey Massmann</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">[Supporting officers are so far unlisted because we have some positions yet to fill. We'll keep you posted.]</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">It's going to be a great semester, my loves. I look forward to it.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Surgam,</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Your McGauderator.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-36134084952061705442011-02-09T22:03:00.006-05:002011-02-09T22:17:05.511-05:00"Noh," said the Sex Friend, playfully.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Here follows the opening LitEx of Spring 2011 (Anno Philolectico 209, Meeting whateveritwas), courtesy of the brilliant Ms. Casiello, the society's most recent Broad Abroad. Hold onto your hats, folks: the first bit's a translation of a Noh play; the second's a translation of some "Yes" play (well, we and TBTN can only hope).</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><div><b><i>From the Noh play </i>Kiyotsune<i>, by Zeami: Ending section. </i></b></div><div><br /></div><div>When I fell into the realm of hell</div><div>Yes, when I fell into the realm of hell</div><div>The trees standing around me transformed into enemies</div><div>The rain became their falling arrows</div><div>The ground their piercing swords</div><div>The mountains were their iron castle</div><div>Bearing the clouds as their standards</div><div>The soldiers readied their swords of arrogance</div><div>Their eyes gleamed with malice </div><div>With the lust, the envy, the wrath, the foolishness </div><div>That are the sins of all beings</div><div>Illusions and truth battled fiercely </div><div>One, striking like the waves</div><div>the other, pulling like the tide </div><div>They revealed to me the karma </div><div>Of my battles in the Western Seas</div><div>But that was only until now!</div><div>For at the last moment of my life, </div><div>I cried out to the Buddha for salvation</div><div>Now, I stand in the ship of the true law.</div><div>Since he asked for salvation, since he never doubted,</div><div>Kiyotsune, through his pure heart</div><div>Kiyotsune, through his pure heart</div><div>Has reached Buddhahood</div><div>Truly what a miracle this is!</div><div><br /></div><div><i><b>From </b></i><b>Sex Friend</b><i><b> by Hishizawa Kugetsu</b></i></div><div><br /></div><div>Background: Fujinori is a loser college student who lives in a tiny apartment. Takasu is a super hot guy who decides to move in with him because of some really transparent plot device reason. </div><div><br /></div><div>"I thought your place seemed too neat, but really you just don't have anything here," Takasu said. "First time I've seen a room that didn't have a single CD." </div><div><br /></div><div>"I don't listen to music that much."</div><div><br /></div><div>"But it also looks like you don't watch TV or read magazines. Is that your only connection to the outside world?" Takasu was pointing at the laptop on top of the bookshelf pushed tight against the bed. What's this guy trying to say, thought Fuminari. </div><div><br /></div><div>"You don't have any hobbies?" </div><div><br /></div><div>"I guess not," Fuminori said shortly, having already been asked.</div><div><br /></div><div>"What do you do for fun? Are you always at your girlfriend's house or something?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"No girlfriend. I go on walks." He couldn't come up with a single thing he did besides go to school, work, or his apartment. He did kind of like walking with no place to go. </div><div><br /></div><div>"Walk, and then? What?" </div><div><br /></div><div>"Nothing really." </div><div><br /></div><div>"Isn't that weird?" </div><div><br /></div><div>"It feels nice to work the muscles, right?"</div><div><br /></div><div>Takasu shrugged. Why was this guy smiling so wryly at him? </div><div><br /></div><div>"Well, you don't need to keep standing. Sit down over here." He patted the space beside him. Fuminori ignored it and instead sat closer to the edge of the bed.</div><div><br /></div><div>He stretched his legs out and began massaging his tense calves, his mind drifting off, thinking about what he was going to do for dinner—when suddenly, he felt something touch the small of his back. </div><div><br /></div><div>"What are you doing?" </div><div><br /></div><div>When he turned around, he heard a voice from lower down say, "Hmm?" Takasu was lying on his belly with his chin propped on his hand, the other hand stretched out towards Fuminori's back. </div><div><br /></div><div>"I wondered what sort of body a person who walks a lot has." </div><div><br /></div><div>"Huh?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"You're not that thin. I thought you might be kind of scrawny." As he spoke, he grabbed his hip bone and Fuminori's shoulders jolted slightly. </div><div><br /></div><div>"That tickles."</div><div><br /></div><div>"Sorry." Takasu sat up quickly. He wrapped his arms around Fuminori from behind and pulled his shoulders close. </div><div><br /></div><div>"Takasu?" </div><div><br /></div><div>Fuminori could feel his hard chest against his back. Takasu's hands crossed in front of his chest and he was enclosed within Takasu's wide shoulders and long legs, so of course, he started to get suspicious. </div><div><br /></div><div>"Hold still for a minute." </div><div><br /></div><div>Before he had a chance to protest, Takasu's fingers undid the button on Fuminori's jeans and traced the seam of his underwear. </div><div><br /></div><div>"What are you really after?" Fuminori asked, Just as he was about to tell him he couldn't leave his hands in such a risky position, as though about to slip inside, Takasu asked curiously, lips against Fuminori's ear, "Hmm? Is it so surprising?"</div><div><br /></div><div>"Yeah, I'm asking because I'm surprised."</div><div><br /></div><div>Twisting his body around so he could look over his shoulder into Takasu's eyes, he saw a face innocent of all evil intent. </div><div><br /></div><div>"No, I just figured—I'll have to return your present, so instead, I'll give you my body as thanks." </div><div><br /></div><div>Couldn't he have just helped me move that vase, Fuminori thought, and sighed. Of course not. </div><div><br /></div><div>Those gentle eyes so close to his moved from Fuminori's for only a moment. His long eyelashes lowered slightly, his line of sight dropping to Fuminori's lips. </div><div><br /></div><div>He wasn't so immature that he didn't understand the atmosphere of the moment. What Takasu was planning, he didn't know, but this had all the marks of a kiss. </div><div>...</div><div><i>[whereupon Ms. Casiello left some of us in the proverbial lurch—and others, who couldn't restrain themselves, reaching for a postprandial cigarette.]</i></div></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-81552335629711605012011-01-02T23:34:00.007-05:002011-01-09T01:05:36.588-05:00Kilmer 2010: Winner ("OH Tea Party ME!")<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><b>OH Tea Party ME! </b></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>by </i>Gerard Leone, Penn '07</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;">(Due to the content of the poem, it has been assumed that the typos are intentional—every last one of them. - Ed.)</span></i></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Truth, America </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">TRUTH, America </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Where is the TRUTH America? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Where is the Truth Moose America?</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Where is the Silly Goose America? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">WASHINGTON- The truth moose comes from the country </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And dies stabbed by Masonic Pentagrams </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">Inscribed into Capital Map </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">BY FRENCH PEOPLE </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Meanwhile the Silly Goose comes from Harvard </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And lays golden eggs that are not golden eggs but chocolate eggs in gold foil </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Which is not even American-style chocolate </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But Turkish Delight which comes from the Narnia Books </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But it’s Turkish so its MUSLIM! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">WHY DO YOU LET YOUR GOOSE KILL YOUR MOOSE AMERICA?</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Youth, America </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">YOUTH, America </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Where is the Youth in America? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">When we were kids there was no health care </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">SO WHERE IS THE YOUTH, America?</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Where are bobby socks and the FONZ and Lawrence Welk and Armless Thaldomide Babies</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There was no sickness, even when I was sick there was no sickness, that wasn’t sickness </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">That was Cancer, but not CANCER—Which is like a gay guy looking at you in the shower </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">That is cancer, eternal cancer, and how he takes care of his body </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">CANCER—AWFUL CANCER—the gays in their tight jeans which hug their buttockses </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">THE FONZ, THE YOUTH, AMERICA? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">THE FONZ does not need Healthcare </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Who needs healthcare? </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">The Youth in Asia </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But the youth in asia is euthanasia </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">ASIA YOUTH, KILLS AMERICANS </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">THEY ARE GOING TO KILL AMERICANS</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Roof America </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The Roof AMERICA </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">THE ROOF, THE ROOF, America</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> It’s on FIRE </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Because there’s a shooter on the ROOF AMERICA </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">and he’s taking aim because it hot on a roof that’s on fire </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I AM ON FIRE, oo oooh oooh I’m on fire </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Hey little girl is your daddy home </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Did he go and leave you all alone because he’s fighting the Fire in America? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">AMERICA YOU ARE ON FIRE </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A fire that burns inside like heart burn</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And itches like a hemorrhoid...buttockses that burn in the night </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Like ass lanterns in the dark BURN ASS LANTERN </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">SHOW ME the roof that burns but does not burn</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The books that burn but do not burn with GOD </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Give me a book depository that will save me </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A book depository filled with old copies of </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The road to serfdom and vhs cassettes of FREE TO CHOOSE </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Rose and Milty Freidman were bald, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">but she was on FIRE </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">FIRE FOR AMERICA</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Not like Hayek who was an Austrian Aristocrat </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We do not need Aristocrats in America </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">NO QUEENS NO SIRES </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">NO phds and Esquires</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">FIRE FIRE FIRE AMERICA- FIRE THE PRESIDENT FIRE AT THE PRESIDENT FIRE THE LIAR PRESIDENT LIAR LIAR MIRE CHOIR ASS LANTERN AMERICA</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Couth America, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The COUTH, America </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; ">t’s a French word</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">FRANCE IS NOT AMERICA </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">AMERICA IS AMERICA </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">FRANCE IS ONE LETTER AWAY FROM CANCER </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">FRANCER- no its two additional letters the C and the R AT THE END and subtract the F and the R </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">so, really it’s minus two plus two it comes out even </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">FRANCE IS CANCER </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Couth? America? </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">You want to be couth? </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">Like the gay guys in France? </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">With their galois and the jeans so tight </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">And the gyrating </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">IT'S NOT SAFE AMERICA </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">They are circling, the French hawk is circling the eagle’s nest America </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">The gay hawk, they gyrate, in the widening gyre </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">They can’t hear the hunter’s call NOBODY CAN HEAR YOUR BABY’s call America </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">Do you know where you baby is America? </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">They are there on the internet America, going gay </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">On the chat rooms where America is misspelled Amercia </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">The Amer CIA, the CIA does not serve the Americans </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">Amercia it sounds Spanish, Mexicans Illegal </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">America itself sounds Spanish, it’s Italian </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">So dark and swarthy but we’re pure </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">We can never forget their tight jeans, the outline of their erect... </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">AMERICA</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Booth America </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">BOOTH, America</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We can do it America </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Booth it America—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Booth it or lose it America </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">MOVE IT America, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We’re stuck in theatre traffic </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">To apocalypse of John at Madison Square Garden </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And we should have left earlier but we were busy </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">With our constitution reading group </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Because it says right there what the founders wanted </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And we do what our daddies want </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Which was not to tax my flavored waters </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Keep you hands off my body OBAMA </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">When you got your hands on me in my skin tight Jeans </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">In my teenage dream of America, stop touching me! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">BOOTH IT AMERICA, you know what I mean </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We’re here in the balcony watching My American Cousin </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">SEX SEMPER TYRANNUS </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">Which means </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">ALWAYS HAVE SEX WITH TYRANTS AMERICA </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">but leave them in the morning and erase your number from their phone </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">I’m Leaving America, you’ll never taste my guilt again </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">America </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">Unless you BOOTH IT AMERICA </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">Like I said, vote </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">Vote in the Booth America</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">That’s all I meant America </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 11.7px Times"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">AMERICA america................. AMERICA?</span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-70058687787364063842011-01-02T23:24:00.004-05:002011-01-03T08:23:58.345-05:00Kilmer 2010: First Runner-Up ("Funeral Oration Over the Crater of Senator Theodore Stevens")<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Funeral Oration Over the Crater of Senator Theodore Stevens </span></span></b></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"></span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">or</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">: </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Panegyric to the Apotheosis of a Patriot</span></span></b></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></b></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">by</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Andrew Hamilton GS '13</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">My friends, patriots and countrymen. We are gathered here today, not only to crawl from the wreckage of this single-engine amphibious plane and weakly call for help, but also to honor the memory of our fallen hero, the Alaskan of the Century, a towering figure among men and Alaskans: the late United States Senator Theodore Stevens.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">My friends, the world will little note nor long remember </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The giblets splattered here today</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For we cannot consecrate this crater. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The brave man scattered here </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Has consecrated it far beyond our poor power, and line of sight.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Oh Ted, your fall from grace was swift and askew </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Corruption convictions and faulty avionics teamed up on you. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Too soon did vengeful Hovah call you home, young man. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Was it all part of his and the Democrats’ plan? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Or maybe he just wanted to hold you real close.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">It’s really cold. Has anyone called for help?</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Oh, and those Judases in criminal court </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Who Judas’ed you as if for sport </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">When told that you eternally now dream </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Will weep that you’ve escaped their liberal scheme</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Oh noble Ted, you embiggened these United States </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">By half a million square miles, and hundreds of people. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Alas. You’re earmarking vast federal appropriations for projects in heaven now.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I don’t have a cell signal. Does anyone have a signal?</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">O, Father of the noblest State, that mighty bulwark ‘gainst the Reds, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Even in death you fertilize its tundra’d fields and verdant flower-beds!</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">To us from failing hands you threw </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The briefcase full of unmarked bills </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">B</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small; ">ecause banks and ethics panels sure ask a lot of questions, yes they do,</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And why can’t some dudes pay for your home improvements if they want to?</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Do we have any food? It’s getting dark.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Great Theodore, your Internets have now been sent </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">To a greater network </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Where they cannot be tangled up with all these things going on the Internet commercially.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">O, Smart Ted, to disintegrate in burning wreckage betimes away </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">from tubes where glory does not stay </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">because those tubes can be filled, they’re not a big truck </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">not something you just dump something on.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Grand juries can no more touch you now </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Than East Coast lawyers can through Alaska’s icy tundras plow</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Because they are effete.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Godspeed, Senator. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Godspeed.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Also, I call not it on being eaten first.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">and additionally...</span></b></i></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></b></i></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Dulce et Decorum Est Pro Loko Mori </span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">or, </span></span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Nanny State 911 and the Four Lokos of the Apocalypse</span></span></b></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">They came first for the 180-proof Everclear, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">and I didn't speak up because I wasn’t an alcoholic.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Then they came for the absinthe, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a fancy French guy</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Then they came for the Jews, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">and I didn't speak up because I didn’t like Manischewitz.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Then they came for the Four Loko </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">and by that time no one was left to speak up.</span></span></p><div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-56892239229441739582011-01-02T23:09:00.004-05:002011-01-03T10:25:43.277-05:00Kilmer 2010: Second Runner-Up ("T")<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><b>T</b></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>by</i> Misha Solomon CC'14</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There is a stove in the kitchen </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There is a kettle on the stove T</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">here is water in the kettle </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The water is getting hot</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So very hot </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So very hot </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So very hot </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So very loud </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">goes the water</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There is a counter in the kitchen </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There is a marble countertop on the counter </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There is a mug on the marble countertop </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I pour the water</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The water which had gone weeeeeeeeee </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Into the mug</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I look deep into the water </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And I see you</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You are the water </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You are so pure </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So necessary </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So clear</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So wet</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The water is one part oxygen </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You are a breath of fresh air </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The water is two parts hydrogen</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You use peroxide in your hair</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But you are missing something</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There is a pantry in the kitchen</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There is a shelf in the pantry</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There is a box of teabags on the shelf </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I take out a teabag</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And put it in the tea</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I put my teabag in the tea.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I give the water</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So plain </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So bland </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So flavorless </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So odorless </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So colorless </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So watery </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I give it flavor </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I give it color </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I am the teabag</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And I realize what you are missing</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You are just water </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But you need to be tea </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You need flavor </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You need color </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You need odor </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You need my teabag </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Inside you</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I need to put my teabag inside of you </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Deep inside your watery self</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You need my teabag </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I need to teabag you. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">We need to make tea.</span></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-1149632311496391742011-01-02T23:00:00.003-05:002011-01-02T23:57:55.910-05:00Kilmer 2010: Third Runner-Up ("Stiletto Boot on the Side of the Highway")<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><b>Stiletto Boot On The Side Of The Highway </b></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>by</i> Juliana Strawn BC ʻ14</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Stiletto boot on the side of the highway </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Like my soul. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Broken, dirty, missing a strap.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">O, my soul. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Am I nothing more than an old stiletto </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">tossed aside on the road?</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Are my sins visible </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">like a broken stiletto heel? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Could a beaver live inside me? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Is there any hope for life </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">in my broken, broken soul?</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Despite my Grandfatherʼs protests, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I stop the car </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">and pull over on the side of the road.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The door creaks when I open it. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Creak creak. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">M</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">y soul creaks when I open it. </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">Creak creak.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I need to oil it </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">so it wonʼt creak.</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I pick up the stiletto boot. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">My soul. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I sniff it. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Is it empty?</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">No! </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">There is a family of worms in it! </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There is life in my soul!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I take the stiletto to my grandfather. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">How can this bitter old man understand my awakening? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I place the stiletto boot in his lap. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">He cautiously picks it up </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">and tentatively eats part of it. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A hunger for knowledge. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Helvetica"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I think he understands.</span></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-37199223829616798192011-01-02T22:54:00.003-05:002011-01-09T10:40:28.213-05:00Kilmer 2010: Dishonourable Mention ("Oh, the Sex You'll Have!")<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Oh, The Sex You’ll Have!</span></span></b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">(with apologies to Dr. Seuss)</span></span></i></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></i></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><i>by</i> Samantha Kuperberg, BC ‘10</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Congratulations! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Today is your day. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’re off to Great Sex! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’re off and away!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">With your brain in your head </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And your dick in a box </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’ll do it on a boat </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">With a goat</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And a fox!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’ll have oodles and noodles and poodles of sex </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">In a fying car! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Atop a T-Rex! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">On a large metal tanker</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">On a whitewashed fence </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">On a stack of bibles </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">In the biblical sense</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’ll try new positions </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Like “Cat in the Hat” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Or “Yertle the Turtle” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If you’re into that.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A three-way, a four-way, a five-way or twelve </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">An orgy, a floorgy—you’re sure to excel!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Except when you don’t. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Because, sometimes, you won’t.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You may wear twenty condoms </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But despite how you try </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You can get an STD </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Or worse—an STI!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">There are bumps and lumps in store for you </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Herpes, the clap, and syphilis, too!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And maybe a baby—you silly dunce: </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Condoms are great—but not twenty at once!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You can get so confused </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">They said they were clean </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And that you were sexy </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And that they were 18</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You can start to run down </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">At a break-necking pace </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Headed, I fear, toward a most useless place:</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The Waiting place.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Waiting for a train to go </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Or a bus to come. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Waiting for a syphilis test </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Or Babeland to open</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Or a call back </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">From the clinic </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">With your syphilis test. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Everyone just waiting.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Waiting for the mail to come </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Or a bus to go </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Or those syphilis results...</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">They’d—they’d call if there was something wrong, right? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I mean, like, they wouldn’t wait this long if it was positive, right? Right? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Everyone just waiting.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">No! That’s not you!</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’ll rush right back in </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Once more you’ll ride high</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Using two kinds of lube </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">’Cause you’re that kind of guy</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’ll use whips and chains </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’ll show them your stuff </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">It’s as if you’re Duffman </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">nd your sex is Duff</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;"><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And do give directions </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">If they’re planning to drive </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You want them to come </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But, also, arrive.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Oh, the sex you’ll have! </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">There is fun to be done! </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’ll go straight past first, </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">and score a home run! </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">And when you’re out there, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">with your bat and your ball, </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You will have sexy sex—the sexiest of all.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Fame! You’ll be famous—not a bit, but the most </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Remember your time with that fox and that goat? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’ll be on display from sea to sea</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">With the whole wide world watching on TV </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">The late-night HBO special titled “Three’s Company”—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Except when they don’t. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Because, sometimes, they won’t.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I’m afraid that sometimes </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’ll play lonely games, too, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">With a bottle of lotion </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And a sock ... but no shoe.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">All alone! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Though it’s quite unintentional </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">All of your ladies </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Have become two-dimensional.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’ll meet things that scare you back into your pants.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">But on you will go </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Though your ego is scarred </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">On you will go </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Though it’s long ... and it’s hard. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’ll take it all in </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’ll fill up your cup </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">’Cause Philos don’t abstain—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">They’re just hard up.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">On you will go </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You will hike through the night </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">With just your canteen </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And your trusty fleshlight</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Ninety-eight metrick fucktons guaranteed.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Kid, you’ll hike the Appalachian trail!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">So, be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Merman </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Or Jacob Mohammed Siddhartha O’Sherman </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">You’re off to great sex! Today is your day!</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Garamond"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Your maintain is waiting— Now go and get laid.</span></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-59792087529175663862011-01-02T22:18:00.005-05:002011-01-02T22:24:05.364-05:00Kilmer 2010: Dishonourable Mention ("Love Song for the Transportation Security Administration")<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Love Song for the Transportation Security Administration</span></span></b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><i>by</i> Joshua Schwartz</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Softly, like the lingering touches of a dream-love, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Your not unwanted fingers slowly inch themselves past </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">My waistband, and haltingly down—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small; ">Down—</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">To the space reserved just for you (and, possibly, foreign weapon-grade material) </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Your fingers move in fits and starts; </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">What are you searching for down there? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Is it my heart? Because that you already have. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I wore my sexiest pair of shapeless sweatpants for you—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">No belts, no metal flies or buttons—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I don’t want anything to impede our love. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The other passengers in line look on impatiently, their breathing heavy. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">They cannot wait to have their turn, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">To have their rendez-vous with romance, their date with destiny. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Long have I admired you from afar, you: </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">With your brilliant blue shirt and imperial attitude—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">You love playing hard to get, and it just makes me want you more. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, grope me, grope me, Mr. TSA Man! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Make me a man with your invasive and unexpected touch. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I saw you giving me the once-over—now look me all over with your FULL BODY SCANNER. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I want you to see everything. I don’t want there to be secrets between us. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I am not hiding anything from you—just check. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">You asked me to step over to the side, and I was thrilled. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I knew you wanted some special alone time with me </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">(Tho’ I saw some dogs around here, and I don’t think I’d be into that). </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">What excuse did you use to make this happen? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The only weapon I was carrying was one that I cannot remove, if you know what I mean. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">When you told me, “I am going to put my hands down your pants,” I felt such a thrill. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Some people like courtship, but I like a man who cuts right to the chase. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I like a man who is bold, confident, and willing to touch hundreds of </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Varieties of genitals daily without blinking an eye. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, please tell me mine are your favorites. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And to those critics out there who think this is a </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Gross violation of our civil liberties, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I only have this to say: It works. It’s effective. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">He touched my genitals, and now I’m flying. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, how I love you, Mr. TSA man. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">You with your dextrous fingers and complete disregard for basic privacy. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I want to kick off my laceless shoes and walk calmy but quickly... </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">All over, just speaking in firm but not extraneously loud tones </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Of our love. I know loving you is not duty-free, but I am willing </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">To live up to the responsibility.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">————</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh. Oh no. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">They are moving me along. They are handing me back my things. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I thought we had reached that stage in the relationship </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">When I would leave my things with </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">you</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">: my belt, a change of clothes, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">My toothpaste. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">But no. And now you’re gone. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And all I can think is how to see you again. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">How to feel your latex-clad fingers all over my body.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I know: I’ll bring a bottle of wine and pack it in my bag for us to share. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And when the guards come to take me away ... to you, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I’ll scream: No! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Palatino"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I’m not a terrorist. I’m just in love.</span></span></p><div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-45098076011461409312011-01-02T22:05:00.006-05:002011-01-05T11:54:54.037-05:00Kilmer 2010: Dishonourable Mention ("The Love Song of J. Alfred Pfaurock")<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The Love Song of J. Alfred Pfaurock</span></span></b></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><b>by</b> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;">Miranda Elliot CC'10</span></span></span></i></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><br /></span></span></span></i></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; "><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><b>for</b> Steven J. Pfau(rock)</span></span></i></span></span></span></span></i></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></i></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Trimalchio, lautissimus homo. Horologium in triclinio et bucinatorem habet subornatum, ut subinde sciat <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>quantum de vita perdiderit!</span></span></i></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></i></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Let us go then, you and pi, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">3.14159... </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Like a mathematician confounded at his desk; </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Let us go, through somewhat-postered walk-abouts, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The crazed campouts </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Of Red Bull nights in a dark, dank Butler room, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">and brief Hamdel forays for food, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Exits only at 114</span></span><span style="font: 7.9px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">th </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">and 116</span></span><span style="font: 7.9px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">th </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">like the tedious bureaucracy </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Of Columbia University, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">To lead you to a soul-crushing question... </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh, do not ask, “What are you doing after college?” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Practicality? Ha! I have fostered my love for knowledge.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">In Art Hum, to the Met I would come and go, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Talking out of my ass about art I did not know.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The stacks of paper that beckon me to work,</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The piles of paper that present themselves as work </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Throw themselves on me, after hours and hours they linger, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Stood silently, mocking me, asking me to finger </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The pages, let itself crash to the floor, a disaster, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">For days and days, I passed her </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Lying there, asking for one kiss, an article of the Spec, she </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Proclaims, “Consent? It's sexy.”</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And indeed, just give it time for career paths to materialize out of nowhere, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">The thought of future perfect and the subjunctive potential; </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">It might be fine, it could be fine, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Without the 101 of networking know-how.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">In Music Hum, to opera I would come and go, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Talking out of my ass about music I did not know.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And indeed, life finds its way to beg the question, “Who are you?” and, “Who are you?” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">To submit cover letters anew, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">With dangling modifiers and run-ons too.—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:georgia;font-size:small;">[They will say, “How her grammar grows so dim!”] </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Does she wait tables on a whim? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Her pencil skirt high-waisted, connected precariously by a pin </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">[They will say, “But how her meter grows so dim!”] </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Who are you,</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">With your fish unsalted </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And your sauce on the side? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And I should speak my mind, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">For dignity and sanity, which fleetingly wave their goodbyes.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">For these people I serve, one and all, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Think me uneducated, judged so soon, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I have measured out my life with a sorbet spoon, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Presented over and over into the fall </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">From the summer for the moneyed,</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">So how should I proceed?</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And I have known the 10% tips already, expect it all, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Rich white people who fix my predetermined worth, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And when predetermined, presented on a bill, When I am scribbled drunkenly infinitesimally small, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Then how should I not hate you still,</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">To spit in your halibut and joke with the busboy about your relative girth? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And how should I then proceed? And how should I begin?</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">*********</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Shall I say, I leave nightly after ten o'clock onto commuter trains, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And dream of nine-to-five paperwork tedium, of bored men in starched shirts, crouching in their cubicles?...</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I should have been a fisticorn, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Fisting across the plains of distant galaxies.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">**********</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And the morning I never see, until the afternoon I wake! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Next to some girl, or boy, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Either way some pretty toy, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">With whom love, or rather lust, I make,</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Should I, in my somewhat disrobed state, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Ask if I am your only mate? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">So naked, so nude, under these sheets we currently share, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Though my heart gets hurt and and bruised and wrecked again,</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> I am an honest girl—and here's the honest girly truth; </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">My glory years have come and gone, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I have run a successful clothes check at an underwear party twice, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And in short, I am no longer that cool.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And are the condescending comments worth it after all, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">After the Cicero, the Chaucer and the Butler </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Have been reshelved, among the rest of past literary </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Obsessions, is it worthwhile</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">To swallow their bullshit with a smile? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">To compartmentalize my life before the fall? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">“So tell me,” he said, “were there no jobs in your intended field?” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">To tell him, “I'll be right back with your foie gras, And, oh, this is my intended field.”—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">If he, swirling California Cab in his glass,</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Should say: “That is not what I meant at all. That is not it, at all.”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">**********</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">No! I am no alumni success, nor was meant to be; </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Am loyal and mistrusting, but serviceably new, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">To critique surroundings intensely, while working a job or two, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Serve the rich; and watch the wine director act like a tool, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Smile pleasantly, “Certainly, sir; thank you very much,” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Polite, watchful, and careful </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Full of shit, and such and such </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And yes, completely disingenuous, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And, always, the educated Fool.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Such an alum, such an alum, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Hey, alum, you look so glum!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Shall I pay for student loans? Can I budget a bit of fun? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I shall invite her to drinks, and pay for every one, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And groan silently to myself when leaving before the drink is done.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I do not think that she will decide to go home with me.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I have seen them driving home in fancy cars, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">To houses of brick or steel or stone, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Meanwhile our first guests have not yet shown.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">We have waited around all night, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Till two a.m., for a table to stop eating, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Until I may return to an apartment where I can barely afford the heating.</span></span></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-78174733129657299252011-01-02T21:57:00.004-05:002011-01-02T22:54:19.718-05:00Kilmer 2010: Dishonourable Mention ("How I Got Rich off of Cheese Derivatives")<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-style: normal; font-family:Georgia, serif;font-size:16px;"></span></span></span></i></p><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">How I Got Rich off of Cheese Derivatives</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; "><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"></span></o:p></p></span></i><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">or</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">: They May Say it's Unnatural, but You Were Born This Way, Honey!</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">or</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">: Velveeta is My Flava Fave and You Can, Too.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">by</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> Lucy Sun CC'11</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">In 2002, the FDA determined that Velveeta could no longer call itself “cheese” on its packaging because this was not, in fact, accurate. Velveeta is now packaged and sold in the U.S. as a “Pasteurized Prepared Cheese Product.” Enough exposition! And now, poem.</span></span></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0cm;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination: none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;text-autospace:none"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"> </span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Velveeta, light of my life, fire of my loins.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Even if it cost me all of my coins, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I would still spring you from the whorehouse that is the grocery store. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Because, baby, baby, baby, oh, I want more.</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Vel. Veet. Ta. They say you are not cheese, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Nothing but pre-processed sin. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">But my love for you is 100% real, bitch please, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And also from Wisconsin.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Damn Velveeta, you a classy broad </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I miss you when I go abroad </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Wish I could make some Velveeta fondue </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh baby, I wish you would do...me.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Velveeta, stop teasing. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small; ">Let me open up your package, quick. </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small; ">To find a long, hard, orange brick. </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small; ">Although you can only get hard if you’re really cold, </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small; ">I don’t mind fitting to your kinky mold.</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small; "><br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I’m just gonna need a bigger fridge. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Velveeta, when I graduate from college,</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I’ll take your bricks and build a house out of you. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">We’ll move to Alaska, where I’ll live, nay, BE, inside of you. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">In the imagery used so far, you possess both man and lady parts. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Because, Velveeta, you’re MORE than a woman. You’re a work of art.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Oh Velveeta, the things I want to do you to you. I’m scheming, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">To lay you down on a bed of macaroni that’s steaming </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And heat you up until you’re creaming. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">If you were a sentient being,</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I’m sure that you’d be screaming. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">Because I am good in bed. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">You’d also be screaming because you’d be cooking on a stovetop on medium heat. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">...but isn’t it nice?</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And if anyone asks me </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">If I’d rather give up oral sex or cheese </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I’ll consider the question moot—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">I’ll have my Velveeta and eat it , too!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">WILL: Damn Honeybee, you a crazy chick!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">LUCY: Shut the fuck up and suck my dick! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And when you come back, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">You better come back with a sandwich.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">WILL: Velveeta, you make a great sandwich, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">And I’ll always have it ready for my favorite bitch.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 14.9px Arial"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;">LUCY: [takes a bite] What!</span></span></p></span><p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-72134775966180743332011-01-02T21:37:00.006-05:002011-01-02T22:32:43.056-05:00Kilmer 2010: Dishonourable Mention ("The Lion")<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The Lion</span></span></b><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">by Josh Raab, CC '12</span></span></div><div><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">(careful: he "ejaculates" [l. 97] - Ed.)</span></span></i></div><div><!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 24.0px 'Times New Roman'"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">The Lion</span></span></b></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Once upon a midnight crappy, while I lay abed unhappy, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Struggling through some dull, pedantic treatise on the days of yore, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">While I thought, “Well this is boring,” suddenly there came a roaring, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">As of someone harshly snoring, snoring near my bedroom door—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Tis my bastard neighbor’s snoring crashing through my bedroom door!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">...Allergies must be hardcore!”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I recall, when I was younger, then for knowledge I’d a hunger, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">So Columbia beckoned from the Hudson’s bleak and ominous shore; </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Merrily I’d set to browsing through the courses and the housing </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Options, every one arousing hopes for wonders yet in store, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And above those myriad matchless wonders college held in store </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Reigned that paragon: the Core.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And each page’s breathless turning filled me with the thrill of learning—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small; ">Or had once. No longer did I thirst relentless after lore; </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small; ">Now, that precious source of gladness lost, I felt my solemn sadness </span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small; ">Burst abruptly into madness, triggered by that thunderous snore:</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Fuck my asshole neighbor!” thought I, raging at his thunderous snore. </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“He’s a douchebag to the core.”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Whence I shouted, red with fury, “I’ll be hangman, judge, and jury! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">You will pay for all the anguish you have caused me! This means war!” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">With hostility unbounded, if perhaps a bit ill-founded, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I arose and firmly pounded at my neighbor’s bedroom door; </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But however hard I pounded at that asshole’s bedroom door—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Silence from that chamber’s core.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">In that vacant hallway waiting, long I held my breath, debating </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What misfortune had befallen him that dwelt beyond that door: </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Is he sick? Or in a coma? Was he kidnapped by the Roma? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Has his spirit found a home along the Acheronian shore?</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Does his douchey spirit rest along the Acheronian shore?!”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I exulted from my core.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“But if </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">he’s </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">not here,” I wondered, “Whose Samsonian snoring thundered—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What pernicious demon’s roaring was it that I heard before?” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">By this awful question hounded, I returned to bed, confounded—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">When a deafening bellow sounded, blasting down my bedroom door! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“What the fuck? Whose fucking bellow’s blasting down my bedroom door? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">...whoa. Is that a manticore?”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">For, as I had now discovered, some fantastic creature hovered</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Just beyond the threshold of my newly shattered bedroom door: </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Frame of lion, wings of fallen angel, facial hair of Stalin, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Noble head of President Bollinger—and what a look he bore! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What a knowing, stern, demanding, grim and ominous look he bore! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“No! I swear, I love the Core!”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">This I cried, and upward lurching, through my books I started searching: </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Here’s Herodotus! Thucydides! I’m sure I have some more!—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But thou regal, handsome lion, of the Western canon scion, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Tell me, in what name should my unbridled adoration pour?</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Dude, just say the name, and watch this servile adoration pour!” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Quoth the lion, “Still-the-Core.”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I could not suppress a chortle: ha! What being, god or mortal—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Hermit—or heresiarch—or slave—or hierophant of yore!— </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Who, but I, could boast of hearing such a ludicrous, endearing </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Moniker? No longer fearing him, I said, “You’ve quite the roar! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Quite the cuddwy widdwle wion, yes you are, with quite the roar—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Cute and fuzzy Still-the-Core!”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Not a word he spoke rebuking; rather, he just started puking </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Ink as black as Hades’ nether regions on my tiled floor; </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Hey! Come on, man! Who’s been feeding you?” I cried, my grin receding— </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Leave me to my crappy reading! I was nearly done before! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I had nearly finished all my crappy nightly work before!” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Then he queried: “Still-the-Core?”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Yeah, it’s Global Core... whatever! Oh, you said your name, how clever—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">What, are you a Pokemon? Get out of here! Or fix my door!” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Then, methought, I heard a purring—strange and low, but reassuring—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And my fury not enduring such a blow, I calmed, and more:</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I imagined he possessed that single phrase, and nothing more, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And I pitied Still-the-Core.</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And this gray, morose emotion brought to mind that lost devotion </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Toward those educational pursuits I’d used to once adore: </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Why was study now abhorrent? What repugnancy could warrant </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Such ennui, whose torpid torrent drowned my desperate thirst for lore—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Drowned that beautiful, fulfilling, noble, desperate thirst for lore? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Could I learn from Still-the-Core?</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Thus I pondered as I silently observed the lion’s violent </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Vomiting—which, by the way, had covered my entire floor— </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But that inky inundation carried no such revelation— </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Just as western civilization not a single answer bore! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">All that time and paper spent, and not a single answer bore!</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Yet I studied still the Core!</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Here the lights began to flicker, and the ink came faster, thicker, </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Conjuring a sable lake where just was made a sunless shore; </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">With this hellish deluge rising, “Thou,” I cried, “hast no disguising! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Nor canst hinder my surmising why thou bless and curse my door: </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Heaven’s mercy sends a flood to wash this bullshit out my door!” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Quoth the lion, “Still-the-Core.”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Seer!” I countered, “Brazen mystic! Disregard thy agonistic </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Tendencies, and truthfully supply the guidance I implore! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">By thy mane with wisdom hoary—in this ancient dormitory—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Tell of that elusive quarry I so long have quested for!</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Tell that end to Hums and gyms that I so long have quested for!” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Quoth the lion, “Still-the-Core.”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Seer!” I countered, “Brazen mystic! Disregard thy agonistic </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Tendencies! Stop trolling me! Don’t be a sacred knowledge whore! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">By that blood that beats within you, tell this beast of bone and sinew—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Shall that tyranny continue o’er his books forevermore? </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Shall my studies burdensome and shackled be forevermore?” </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Quoth the lion, “Still-the-Core.”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“Cease thy Stygian oaths defying!”—I ejaculated—“Lying </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Spawn of Mephistopheles, and of the Babylonian whore! </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">...Thine is but a false intrusion!—thou art merely some illusion—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And thy ebony effusion just some shitty metaphor!</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But...” I scarcely whispered, “Even were thou dream, or metaphor...”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Quoth the lion, “Still-the-Core.”</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">And the lion, purring, mewing, still is spewing, still is spewing </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Lightless, loveless vomit, filling, flooding all my tiled floor; </span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Let no further hapless child by this demon be beguiled—</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Let this serpent of my tiled Aidenn haunt alone my door;</span></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">But ‘tis wishful thinking: only briefly stays he at my door...</span></span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">I am lost; but still the Core!</span></span></p><p></p> <!--EndFragment--> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-88717000167865906062010-05-28T12:49:00.002-04:002010-05-28T13:16:09.340-04:00I Won't Cut your Fabric...Bonjour <div><br /></div><div>I have been absent from home and my computer and my bed and my husband for the past week. Have been having a wonderful time in Quebec City, Canada, for the past week. I fly out this afternoon and should arrive home around 9 pm tonight, so don't look for me too early in the morning. It has been crazy here, not much time for computer...I didn't bring mine with me and sharing a community computer with 30 others has not worked for me. So, in the last minutes before the taxi arrives, the computer is free - thus a few words with no photos. I'm afraid my Louisiana photos won't transmit from Canada! <div><br /></div><div>Folks in our group were from all over the US. Great fun making so many new friends. Anyway....I was asked the question this morning if I set up web sites for others. And my response was I cut my own fabric, but I won't cut yours! </div><div><br /></div><div>I promise lots of photos when I get home, but they'll be published in English only! French is a beautiful language and the language of choice for 80% of the Quebec population, but I only learned two new words this week - Hello and (since the cab is waiting for me) Goodbye</div><div><br /></div><div>Salut</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-56864924297838122962009-12-24T17:09:00.005-05:002009-12-24T20:46:01.174-05:00Kilmer 2009: Winner<a href="http://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/kilmer/2009-kilmer-rueda/">Balloon Boy By Philip Glass</a><br />by Edward A. Rueda, CC'05<br /><br /><a href="http://www.columbia.edu/cu/philo/kilmer/2009-kilmer-rueda-new-laureate.mp3">Audio</a><br /><br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwnIirVHw53b9DMgnXLwkAh-qAT2kKDSg7FLpAQdsD_shZe70zfKbABZkqJ1TVYMmwIN5NpyYnhAGI' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br /><br />(Audio begins before video. For clearer audio, please use the link above.)<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://philolexian.blogspot.com/2009/12/kilmer-2009-first-runner-up.html">First Runner-Up</a><br /><a href="http://philolexian.blogspot.com/2009/12/kilmer-2009-second-runner-up.html">Second Runner-Up</a><br /><a href="http://philolexian.blogspot.com/2009/12/kilmer-2009-dishonorable-mention_7894.html">Dishonorable Mention</a><br /><a href="http://philolexian.blogspot.com/2009/12/kilmer-2009-dishonorable-mention_4054.html">Dishonorable Mention</a><br /><a href="http://philolexian.blogspot.com/2009/12/kilmer-2009-dishonorable-mention_7667.html">Dishonorable Mention</a><br /><a href="http://philolexian.blogspot.com/2009/12/kilmer-2009-dishonorable-mention_05.html">Dishonorable Mention</a><br /><a href="http://philolexian.blogspot.com/2009/12/kilmer-2009-dishonorable-mention.html">Dishonorable Mention</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11686457.post-66338381804287605022009-12-14T00:02:00.008-05:002009-12-14T00:18:39.415-05:00Kilmer '08 Featured in Poetry Foundation PodcastWho'd've thought? Bad poetry, it turns out, is also a concern to the proponents of serious poetry. The Poetry Foundation's most recent podcast has a segment on our very own Kilmer, with a reading by Fred Sasaki, an editor of Poetry Magazine. It starts six minutes in.<br /><a href="http://www.poetryfoundation.org/journal/audioitem.html?id=1900"><br />http://www.poetryfoundation.org/journal/audioitem.html?id=1900</a><span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span><a href="http://www.poetryfoundation.org/journal/audioitem.html?id=1900"></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1