Kilmer 2009: Dishonorable Mention

Chinese Teashop Rap
(With the exception of Darjeeling, which is an Indian tea)
by Dexter Thompson-Pomeroy, CC'12

She got some Darjeeling
And some aged Pu-erh
Old lady in the teashop was lookin’ at her
She said the price aint low!
Do you got the dough?
That’s from Huzhou zhou zhou zhou zhou zhou zhou

She got some Dong ding Wu long
And some Lapsang Souchong
She looked at that old lady hard and long
She said I’ll buy some mo’
I got the dough
Do ya have any tea from the mountains of Song Luo?

Hey, I aint never seen a girl who’d really go
This crazy with the tea spendin’ all her dough
Had expert knowledge bout all the teas
Whether to boil or leave at ninety degrees
So aromatic
She’s a tea fanatic
So enigmatic
I’m gonna be schematic
Hold up wait a minute I said no please don’t go
Please girl don’t just walk out that door
All about tea you seem to know
D’you wanna go get some Tie Guan Yin
Girl please don’t leave it’d be a sin
You’re as smokin’ as Lapsang Souchong
Lightly oxidized like Pouchong
She said “why not? Let’s go have a cuppa”
I said “yes let’s, after we have supper”


Crime and Punishment Rap

Yo I was sittin' in my room readin' Dostoevky,
Jus' sittin' in my chair sittin' on my buttsky
And I thought to myself this Raskolnikov guy
He be goin' down just like Tsar Nikolai
He killed Alyona just for the dough
He killed Lizaveta too, yea he sank low
But he hid that money right under a rock
He aint even kept a kopeck jus' blood on his sock

Prestupleniye i Nakazaniye
Why'd he kill her if he didn't want the money eh?

And I thought as I walked to my class in Pupin
Dunechka really should just dump Mr. Luzhin
But she thinks that she’s helpin’ out her big bro
By marryin’ that lyin’ schemin’ dodo
Then along comes Mr. Svidrigailov
He tries to give her money sayin’ come here my love
But she don’t want him, no! she say I ain’t a ho!
Her heart belongs to Razumikhin.

Prestupleniye i Nakazaniye
Why’d she get engaged to that dummy eh?
Cri-cri-cri-crime and Punishment
Mr. Svidrigailov ain’t much of a gent.

So I sat down again and continued to read
About Rodya and Sonya and their discussion
Rodya told her how he did a bad deed
How he might have had an itty bitty axe malfunction
At first she was scared and she wanted to shout
But then she prayed cause lord she’s really devout

Audio


Winner
First Runner-Up
Second Runner-Up
Dishonorable Mention
Dishonorable Mention
Dishonorable Mention
Dishonorable Mention