Friday, June 29, 2007

What I Learned in Granada by Adam Katz, age 11 part 2

me cago en tu opinión - I shit on your opinion
me cago en la leche de tú opinión - I shit in the milk of your opinion (you might have noticed this one cropping up from time to time in FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS by Hemmingway...probably only if you read it, though).

This is something that has a bit of mystique surrounding it for me, because my mother, although she is proud of her occasionally foul mouth and new york demeanor, has never been this wicked. But if you really wanna take it out of the little bastard, this is a mother-to-child insult taught to my by the son of my host mother, when I asked him about "me cago en la leche..."

it goes:

me cago en la leche que te di - I shit on the milk I gave you

Another family insult comes to us from Mexican author Juan Rulfo's immortal tale "no oyes ladrar los perros" (you don't hear the dogs barking?)

"He maldecido la sangre que usted tiene de mí." - I have cursed the blood I gave you (this of course was after the kid killed his own godfather on the highway)

and he follows that little zinger up with

Que se le pudra en los riñones la sangre que yo le di! - may it rot your kidneys, the blood I gave you!

Burn!!! crabby old man 2, mortally wounded highwayman nothing! Fuck, it feels good to land a few punches (puñetazos)

I bet the little shit will think twice about murdering his godfather next time, huh?
Kids, huh? I tell ya.

Tune in next week and we'll find out why Spanish mothers are so freaking dignified-looking.

What I Learned in Granada by Adam Katz, age 11

Having completed my final exams (really! I'm awesome!) I feel I am somewhat an authority on enough things spanish, hispanic, latino, and, of course sephardic, not to mention mozarabic, mudéjar, moorish, morisco, and, fuck, why not, spick that I thought it time to do an educational piece.

These are the ways I have learned to tell someone off.

¡y una mierda! - yeah, bullshit

¡y un jamón! - same as above. The spanish use jamón for everything. It is simultaneously the diamond in the crown of their justifiably reputable cuisine (not that I fucking ate any of the smelly shite), the pejorative name given to Jews-in-hiding after the Expulsion ("marranos") the word for a badly dressed, unhygienic, or otherwise unpresentable person, and, as you can see here, a way to tell someone (politely) that he doesn't know his foot from a trotter. ¡viva cerdito!

que te dén - short for "que te dén por culo" i.e. "may they give it to you up the ass." I don't know who "they" are or if they're unionized, but Europe is pretty socialist, so I'll bet they get dental care, if you know what I mean.

véte a tomar por culo - literaly "go take it up the ass" but more appropriately translated (like the above) as "go fuck yourself."

chíngate = go fuck yourself, but more useful in Mexico than here.

fóllate, jódete = more appropriately peninsular-spanish versions of the above. Mind, in each of the three cases, the "go" is implied. It's not something one just does in the plaza (although they do everything SHORT of that in the plaza).

hijo de... - I've heard this is the best way to get your ass kicked: make a "your mother joke" in a place like andalucía where EVERY cathedral, and most large-enough-to-swing-a-cat-in churches are named after the virgen mary (madre del martirio, madre de las angustias, madre de dolores...she doesn't get a fucking break, unlike most spaniards with their 3 hour siestas).

still, popular variations include:

hijo de: puta, zorra, prostituta (she-dog, she-fox, prostitute; the first two are synonyms for the third).

¡coñazo! - pussy!
¡coño! - pussy!
¡maricon! - fairy
¡hada! - fairy

join us next time for the more literary side of the spanish middle-finger!