Sunday, February 03, 2008

101 Ways to Manage Stress

For about a year now, I’ve had a little bookmark taped onto my desk with a supposedly helpful list of “101 Ways to Manage Stress.” Why I’ve kept it on my desk for so long is a mystery, because it seems the only time I ever really look at it is when I have time to read it, aka when I’m not stressed. Furthermore, I have some doubts as to its actual utility as a stress-reducer. The following are some suggestions it has been kind enough to share with me:

--Learn to say “no”

--Look at a magazine (apparently, you don’t have to read it—staring is enough).

--Believe in yourself (I enjoy this as an imperative. It seems if you are looking to a 2 x 7 piece of paper for help managing your life, you probably have some difficulty trusting in your own ability to ward off stress.)

--Watch a movie. (Soothing? Yes. But my guess would be that if you don’t have time to actually go to a therapy session and manage your stress, you probably don’t have time for 21 Jump Street.)

--Take a brisk walk. (Brisk, mind you.)

--Put your feet up. (With something underneath them, I assume.)

--Laugh at yourself. (But not too cruelly…)

--Walk away (But how will I read the other stress management tips???)

--Play with kids (dangerously close to the “Get a massage” tip).

--See problems as challenges. (Um… thanks?)

--Be faithful. (I don’t know. If you’re managing two exclusive relationships and still have time to read this list, you’re probably doing fine.)

--Don’t procrastinate. (Says the 101-item list I am reading instead of working.)

--Be flexible. (I’m going to assume they don’t mean this literally)

--Celebrate life (Ambiguous suggestions are usually the most helpful.)

--Plant a garden. (This one may be my favorite. I can just see the poor soul digging up the quad and laying down some fresh gardenias… while their bio homework remains untouched.)

--Get up earlier. (No, no, and no.)

--Punch a pillow. (Finally… something useful.)

--Go out to lunch. (Regardless of what time of day it is).

--Soak in the tub. (Or, if a tub is not available, a puddle.)

--Take off your clothes. (No comment necessary).

--Make someone smile. (By showing them this list.)


Anonymous said...

"Take off your clothes"

Taking off my clothes just causes more stress. More than you'll never know.

Admiral Meriweather said...

"take off your clothes" i.e. transfer stress to the other people in the library.

Mike said...

Hey.... that's really funny. Here is my stress reduction exercise. I found it very helpful in my most stressful days during recession. But now life is lighter and happier than before as I now know how to manage stress.