Even in a great herd of cows and calves, the mother cow will recognize
the cry of her calf, above all others. Just so, the True Shabad [word]
resonates truly, and is easily distinguished from the false.
-Guru Granth Sahib [foundational text of Sikhism]
The indictment states that the group committed arsons with improvised
incendiary devices made from milk jugs, petroleum products and
homemade timers in a series of attacks in the five states. The
indictment alleges that the group claimed to be acting on behalf of
ALF [Animal Liberation Front] and ELF [Environmental Liberation
Front].
-UNITED STATES ATTORNEY, DISTRICT OF OREGON, January 20, 2006
ALF? What the fuck kind of name for a terrorist organization is ALF?!
Oooh I'm really fucking scared. ALF. Gimme a fucking break. Did we
really run out of good names that fast?
-Everyone, upon reading the above
The PHILOLEXIAN SOCIETY invites you, cordially, to the FOURTH DEBATE
OF THE SEMESTER!
RESOLVED: Vegetarians don't care as much about animals as they say.
COME TO:
JD Satow room (fifth floor of Lerner Hall)
AT 8:30 PM,
ON Thursday, October 4.
Refreshments to precede the meeting--bloody, wriggling refreshments.
Old and new members welcome alike.
Be there or be consumed by Self Doubt (which, you'll find out, is the
witty nom-de-plume of a cannibal/serial killer who's been baiting your
local newspaper with letters to the editor about how he'll never be
caught). He's wrong--they catch him. Small comfort to you when
seeing his blood-bespattered visage gets your heart stuck in your
throat, a mere hour before it goes smoothly through his, washed down
by a fine Beaujolais.
Surgam,
...and that's DOCTOR Whippersnapper to you!
Also, please note the difference between complimentary and
complementary. People trying to get on your good side are
complimentary. Free toilet paper, unless it's somehow developed a
mouth (in which case, woe betide us all) can only be complEmentary
with an E. This message will remain on my whip-list until I see a
change or until another error takes its place.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Whip email: Meeting 3
It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point
out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a
half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.
-Dream of the Endless
Gone are the skin-centric, tummy-revealing and possibly private
part-exposing trends that Spears and friends like Paris Hilton made
ubiquitous. Instead, designers are embracing modesty, using sheer
fabrics and lingerie looks to [sic] subtly hint at sexiness. (AP
9-12-07.)
Man it's really hot under all this clothing. I wish I were naked so I
wouldn't be so hot.
-Preemption of BOTHERSOME CHILDREN intending deliberately to
misconstrue the meaning of the resolution (which follows).
The PHILOLEXIAN SOCIETY invites you, cordially, to the THIRD DEBATE
OF THE SEMESTER!
RESOLVED: Naked People are much hotter than clothed people
COME TO:
JD Satow room (fifth floor of Lerner Hall)
AT 8:30 PM,
ON Thursday, September 27.
Refreshments to precede the meeting.
Old and new members welcome alike.
Be there or that persistent nightmare in which you stand at the
podilectern, not wearing pants but not realizing it, and cringing at
the laughter around you, shame looming so large in your mind that
understanding cannot possible come in, will prove true--but also with,
like, wolverines and stuff thrown in, as well.
Surgam,
...and that's DOCTOR Whippersnapper to you!
out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a
half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor.
-Dream of the Endless
Gone are the skin-centric, tummy-revealing and possibly private
part-exposing trends that Spears and friends like Paris Hilton made
ubiquitous. Instead, designers are embracing modesty, using sheer
fabrics and lingerie looks to [sic] subtly hint at sexiness. (AP
9-12-07.)
Man it's really hot under all this clothing. I wish I were naked so I
wouldn't be so hot.
-Preemption of BOTHERSOME CHILDREN intending deliberately to
misconstrue the meaning of the resolution (which follows).
The PHILOLEXIAN SOCIETY invites you, cordially, to the THIRD DEBATE
OF THE SEMESTER!
RESOLVED: Naked People are much hotter than clothed people
COME TO:
JD Satow room (fifth floor of Lerner Hall)
AT 8:30 PM,
ON Thursday, September 27.
Refreshments to precede the meeting.
Old and new members welcome alike.
Be there or that persistent nightmare in which you stand at the
podilectern, not wearing pants but not realizing it, and cringing at
the laughter around you, shame looming so large in your mind that
understanding cannot possible come in, will prove true--but also with,
like, wolverines and stuff thrown in, as well.
Surgam,
...and that's DOCTOR Whippersnapper to you!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Whip Email: Second Meeting of the Semester
Rest in soft peace, and, asked, say, Here doth lie
Ben Jonson his best piece of poetry.
For whose sake henceforth all his vows be such
As what he loves may never like too much.
-Ben Jonson
Shall I find comfort, travel-sore and weak?
Of labour you shall find the sum.
Will there be beds for me and all who seek?
Yea, beds for all who come.
-Christina Rossetti
The buzzards, they soar overhead
And poisonous snakes will devour us whole
Our bones will bleach in the sun
And we will probably go to (loud farting noise)
And that is our great reward
For being the-uh Ro-oy-al Canadian Kilted Yaksmen!
-Ren and Stimpy
The Philolexian Society invites you to the SECOND debate of the semester!
Resolved: Suffering makes you Legitimate
The debate will take place:
Thursday, September 20 at 8:30 PM
in the J.D. Satow Room (5th floor of Lerner Hall).
Refreshments to precede the meeting.
Old and new members welcome alike.
Be there or your cycle of depression and alcoholism, will yield, alas, not the publication of Sophie's Choice or Absalom, Absalom!, but rather, a small citation in a psychology journal dedicated to cases about (you guessed it) alcoholic depressives with huge dickfores jutting right out of their heads.
Surgam,
...and that's DOCTOR Whippersnapper to you!
__
Quamquam ridentem dicere verum, quid vetat?
-Horace
The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water and breeds reptiles of the mind.
-William Blake
Ben Jonson his best piece of poetry.
For whose sake henceforth all his vows be such
As what he loves may never like too much.
-Ben Jonson
Shall I find comfort, travel-sore and weak?
Of labour you shall find the sum.
Will there be beds for me and all who seek?
Yea, beds for all who come.
-Christina Rossetti
The buzzards, they soar overhead
And poisonous snakes will devour us whole
Our bones will bleach in the sun
And we will probably go to (loud farting noise)
And that is our great reward
For being the-uh Ro-oy-al Canadian Kilted Yaksmen!
-Ren and Stimpy
The Philolexian Society invites you to the SECOND debate of the semester!
Resolved: Suffering makes you Legitimate
The debate will take place:
Thursday, September 20 at 8:30 PM
in the J.D. Satow Room (5th floor of Lerner Hall).
Refreshments to precede the meeting.
Old and new members welcome alike.
Be there or your cycle of depression and alcoholism, will yield, alas, not the publication of Sophie's Choice or Absalom, Absalom!, but rather, a small citation in a psychology journal dedicated to cases about (you guessed it) alcoholic depressives with huge dickfores jutting right out of their heads.
Surgam,
...and that's DOCTOR Whippersnapper to you!
__
Quamquam ridentem dicere verum, quid vetat?
-Horace
The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water and breeds reptiles of the mind.
-William Blake
Whip Email: First Meeting of the Semester
I've got a lawsuit against Brown & Willliamson now. Because I have been chain-smoking Pall Malls since I was 11. And on their package they promised to kill me.
-The formerly-not-late Kurt Vonnegut (2004 in www.spokesmanreview.com/)
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Oh yeah? Well sometimes it's a big brown dick with a fat, arrogant, white-collar business-criminal asshole sucking on the wet end of it."
-George Carlin (You're All Diseased; Atlantic Records, 1999)
"Let me attain no envied wealth,
let me not plunder cities,
neither be taken in turn, and face
life in the power of another."
-Clytaemnestra (Agamemnon; Aeschylus; trans: Richmond Lattimore)
The Philolexian Society invites you, cordially, to the first debate of the semester!
Resolved: The detrimental health affects of smoking do not out-weigh how cool you look doing it.
Come to:
JD Satow room (fifth floor of Lerner Hall)
8:30 PM
Thursday
September 13
Refreshments to precede the meeting.
Old and new members welcome alike.
Be there. All the cool kids are doing it .
Surgam,
...and that's DOCTOR Whippersnapper to you!
Quamquam Ridentem Dicere Verum, Quid Vetat?
-Horace (Satires)
The Man who never alters his opinion is like standing water & breeds reptiles of the mind.
-William Blake (The Marriage of Heaven and Hell)
-The formerly-not-late Kurt Vonnegut (2004 in www.spokesmanreview.com/)
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Oh yeah? Well sometimes it's a big brown dick with a fat, arrogant, white-collar business-criminal asshole sucking on the wet end of it."
-George Carlin (You're All Diseased; Atlantic Records, 1999)
"Let me attain no envied wealth,
let me not plunder cities,
neither be taken in turn, and face
life in the power of another."
-Clytaemnestra (Agamemnon; Aeschylus; trans: Richmond Lattimore)
The Philolexian Society invites you, cordially, to the first debate of the semester!
Resolved: The detrimental health affects of smoking do not out-weigh how cool you look doing it.
Come to:
JD Satow room (fifth floor of Lerner Hall)
8:30 PM
Thursday
September 13
Refreshments to precede the meeting.
Old and new members welcome alike.
Be there. All the cool kids
Surgam,
...and that's DOCTOR Whippersnapper to you!
Quamquam Ridentem Dicere Verum, Quid Vetat?
-Horace (Satires)
The Man who never alters his opinion is like standing water & breeds reptiles of the mind.
-William Blake (The Marriage of Heaven and Hell)
Friday, September 07, 2007
0th Whip Email of the Semester
"Everywhere we remain unfree and chained to technology, whether we passionately affirm or deny it."
-Martin Heidegger
“All progress depends on the unreasonable man. The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.”
- George Bernard Shaw
"I envision a world in which people are so fat and lazy they will eat their own spouses rather than drag their comically large asses to a McDonalds to get more burgers. Can you feel it, my poppets? Life is so beautiful!"
-Ray Kroc; founder, McDonalds Franchise
The tomfool Philolexian Society invites you to the introductory debate of the semester!
Resolved: The 21st Century will be characterized by unceasing boredom.
The meeting shall convene on Thursday, September 6 at 8:30 in SATOW.
Old and new members welcome alike.
Be there or sit around with nothing else to do.
Surgam,
...and that's DOCTOR Whippersnapper to you!
-Martin Heidegger
“All progress depends on the unreasonable man. The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.”
- George Bernard Shaw
"I envision a world in which people are so fat and lazy they will eat their own spouses rather than drag their comically large asses to a McDonalds to get more burgers. Can you feel it, my poppets? Life is so beautiful!"
-Ray Kroc; founder, McDonalds Franchise
The tomfool Philolexian Society invites you to the introductory debate of the semester!
Resolved: The 21st Century will be characterized by unceasing boredom.
The meeting shall convene on Thursday, September 6 at 8:30 in SATOW.
Old and new members welcome alike.
Be there or sit around with nothing else to do.
Surgam,
...and that's DOCTOR Whippersnapper to you!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
What I Learned in Granada by Adam Katz, Age 11, part 4
Continuing on the same track we left off last time, we are going to talk about big red things.
Alhambra (alif-lam-hha-mim-ra-alif) means "the big red thing." No kidding. It is indeed big and red. It's like Clifford the Building. Legend has it that the hamsa (derrived from the word for 'five,' it refers to a hand-symbol qua good-luck-charm, common in the Middle East and therefore in Moorish Spain) which sits atop the main gates of Alhambra (which means THE red thing so the practice of calling it "la alhambra" or "the alhambra" is about as redundant as a divorcing an ex-wife) touches the key which sits further down, but on the same gate, and unlocks the secret door (stone can't move, I know) the arabs who have been sleeping under Granada will awaken and restore the beautiful silk-empire moorish city of old.
Sounds a bit far-fetched, I know, and while it's technically illegal even for muslim BARDS to resort to the sauce...WELL. If you were as confused as I am as to what the heck a hand is doing on the outside of a fortress (maybe to extend a friendly gesture: how do you DO, Mr. Invader?) you'd be tossing about for a Guinness or three, too. And speaking of Guinness, did you know that nearby Sevilla is home to the Guinness-book-of-world-records biggest-floor-space-of-any-cathedral cathedral?. It's huge. It's like Clifford the Cathedral only not really red. Why so big and more importantly, how did they know about Clifford back in the 14th century? Well, they had to show up the mosque they destroyed to build it (except for the minaret, preserved, as in many cases, but outfitted with a cross and bells). But even that--why was the mosque so big? Well, often they had to show up the Visigothic church they destroyed to build the mosque.
Round it goes. Where does it stop? The Jews, generally.
What? Too soon?
Alhambra (alif-lam-hha-mim-ra-alif) means "the big red thing." No kidding. It is indeed big and red. It's like Clifford the Building. Legend has it that the hamsa (derrived from the word for 'five,' it refers to a hand-symbol qua good-luck-charm, common in the Middle East and therefore in Moorish Spain) which sits atop the main gates of Alhambra (which means THE red thing so the practice of calling it "la alhambra" or "the alhambra" is about as redundant as a divorcing an ex-wife) touches the key which sits further down, but on the same gate, and unlocks the secret door (stone can't move, I know) the arabs who have been sleeping under Granada will awaken and restore the beautiful silk-empire moorish city of old.
Sounds a bit far-fetched, I know, and while it's technically illegal even for muslim BARDS to resort to the sauce...WELL. If you were as confused as I am as to what the heck a hand is doing on the outside of a fortress (maybe to extend a friendly gesture: how do you DO, Mr. Invader?) you'd be tossing about for a Guinness or three, too. And speaking of Guinness, did you know that nearby Sevilla is home to the Guinness-book-of-world-records biggest-floor-space-of-any-cathedral cathedral?. It's huge. It's like Clifford the Cathedral only not really red. Why so big and more importantly, how did they know about Clifford back in the 14th century? Well, they had to show up the mosque they destroyed to build it (except for the minaret, preserved, as in many cases, but outfitted with a cross and bells). But even that--why was the mosque so big? Well, often they had to show up the Visigothic church they destroyed to build the mosque.
Round it goes. Where does it stop? The Jews, generally.
What? Too soon?
Monday, July 09, 2007
What I learned in Granada by Adam Katz, Age 11, part 3
In which we dispense with some misunderstandings and curiosities engendered by the previous two posts, have a cup of good hot tea with canela flowers, cardamom, and some spices that probably aren't poison (the blend as a whole is called país and is delicious) and find out why spanish women are so damn dignified-looking
Follar literally means to pump bellows (think blacksmith...or a way to make a girl's skirt go all "Marilyn Monroe"). Joder literally means to have sex. It's a tough life but someone's gotta conceive it.
Useful note: unlike in English there is no word that simply means, well, "fuck." (As Allen Sherman points out in his book The Rape of the Ape, the word is direct and unambiguous while simultaneously lacking the clinical feel of words like "coitus.") So they improvise. Joder has the literal meaning in Spain, but not in Latin America. Thus: don't fuck WITH me, rather than don't fuck me.
So:
Chingar, joder, and follar are the principle ones with hacer el amor (to make love), enchufar (to plug into an electrical socket) and dormir (to sleep) being close behind. Hacer el amor (to make love) is the polite way of saying it but you wouldn't use it to tell someone off. That would be like saying: "go get a woman who loves you to massage your shoulders and pleasure you all night long...you asshole!!!" Doesn't have the same sting. Chingar, in Spain, is now understood as "fuck" but once meant "bother" or "annoy" much like, ironically enough for us English speakers, "molestarse," which STILL means to "bother" or "annoy" (violar being the criminal act). According to a Berlitz book on slang, Joder and Follar are best understood in Latin America as "bother" or "annoy" (why they couldn't just switch? search me). I suspect that with the age of television and the rise of casual swearing, all three will start to have the same (or similar) meanings in place of the confusion.
And not to be upstaged: correrse means "to orgasm" but it's a really the tamest of all of them.
"Echar un polvo" means to pour out dust. You can fill in the details, I'm sure.
NOT TO BE CONFUSED: "Estar hecho polvo" means "to be bone-tired." They also say "estoy jodido," more colloquially, of course. Estar hecho polvo and Echar un Polvo mean VERY different things but sound similar. Let the buyer beware.
much love.
Next week we'll talk about why spanish women are so damn dignified-looking in bed.
Follar literally means to pump bellows (think blacksmith...or a way to make a girl's skirt go all "Marilyn Monroe"). Joder literally means to have sex. It's a tough life but someone's gotta conceive it.
Useful note: unlike in English there is no word that simply means, well, "fuck." (As Allen Sherman points out in his book The Rape of the Ape, the word is direct and unambiguous while simultaneously lacking the clinical feel of words like "coitus.") So they improvise. Joder has the literal meaning in Spain, but not in Latin America. Thus: don't fuck WITH me, rather than don't fuck me.
So:
Chingar, joder, and follar are the principle ones with hacer el amor (to make love), enchufar (to plug into an electrical socket) and dormir (to sleep) being close behind. Hacer el amor (to make love) is the polite way of saying it but you wouldn't use it to tell someone off. That would be like saying: "go get a woman who loves you to massage your shoulders and pleasure you all night long...you asshole!!!" Doesn't have the same sting. Chingar, in Spain, is now understood as "fuck" but once meant "bother" or "annoy" much like, ironically enough for us English speakers, "molestarse," which STILL means to "bother" or "annoy" (violar being the criminal act). According to a Berlitz book on slang, Joder and Follar are best understood in Latin America as "bother" or "annoy" (why they couldn't just switch? search me). I suspect that with the age of television and the rise of casual swearing, all three will start to have the same (or similar) meanings in place of the confusion.
And not to be upstaged: correrse means "to orgasm" but it's a really the tamest of all of them.
"Echar un polvo" means to pour out dust. You can fill in the details, I'm sure.
NOT TO BE CONFUSED: "Estar hecho polvo" means "to be bone-tired." They also say "estoy jodido," more colloquially, of course. Estar hecho polvo and Echar un Polvo mean VERY different things but sound similar. Let the buyer beware.
much love.
Next week we'll talk about why spanish women are so damn dignified-looking in bed.
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